Desired Addiction

2011-11-29T07:42:00.000-08:00

I've moved!

4thfloorlyrist.tumblr.com

Shaddy, Meshy and A-Bend-A-Boo

2010-08-04T11:30:00.000-07:00

This story is not unfamiliar to me. Mom and I have told this story many times. It normally starts like this:

Mom: Today we're gunna talk about Shadrach, Meshach and.. Me: To-bed-we-go! (And the kids say.. 'No.')

Me : A-bend-a-bo.. ('Noooo!')
Me: Again-we-so.. ('NOOO!!')
Wait for it.......

Me: Abednego. That's right! ('YAY!!')

I love that little gag. The kids always bet a kick out of it! But I actually read through the story of Shadrach, Meshach and A-bend-a-bo last night. It's been a long time since I've actually read through that story. One part of it struck me right in the wimpy side of my head.

This whole thing goes down after the king of Babylon at the time, Nebuchadnezzer (watch out for the silent 'd', it's tricky.) threw down with Jehoiakim, who was the king of Judah at the time. Well, the silent 'd' won and, like any good ol' fashion beat down, as the winner Nebuchadnezzer brought back some stuff he wanted and some people that he wanted.

In this group of people he wanted was Daniel, Shadrach, Meshach and A-beddy-boo. These guys were cool. They Loved God and were pretty much the bomb. The stuck to their guns and because they did, and with God's favor, they were the strongest, smartest, best looking guys in the joint. (Yes. I just refereed to the ancient city of Babylon as "the joint".)

What really stood out to me as I read this that I hadn't really thought too much about before was in Daniel 3 around verse 17. King Neby had this huge (90ft x 90ft) idol made that everyone was to worship. If you didn't worship the idol then Neby was going to have you thrown into a furnace. (You know, the big things full of FIRE!) Well, Daniel and the guys were like, "Yo, Neby. You da king and all, and we love ya, but aint no way we gunna worship this thang. Yo junk is whack!" (You can find that in The Message- ATL edition.)

Well, they don't really say that exactly. But what they do say is awesome. They say,

"¹⁷If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and he will rescue us from your hand, O king."

That's pretty cool. They stood their ground because they knew that God could totally take the king. God is way bigger and badder. God would have blown out Neby's furnace like a candle on a birthday cake. The part of this story that struck me though, the part that made me want to have bigger, better faith was this part. This is what they say next,

" ¹⁸ But even if He does not, we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up."

That is bold. So often I find myself speaking solely from the verse 17 perspective: If I were going to sacrifice myself, especially my physical body, for the cause of Christ....He is TOTALLY going to come through with some big, crazy miracle that will save me from all pain and suffering. But these guys understood that is not always the case. They knew that. They said that out loud! They knew that even through the pain and the suffering, even if they had to suffer the furnace, that they had lived and died for the cause of Christ.

I want to start living with the understanding that serving God is a full circle. Not in a way that is conditional on whether or not He's going to pull me out of sticky situations. I want the guts to live THAT way. I want the guts to live like Daniel, Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego. Because THAT has got to be a stinkin awesome way to be living!

In Canton, In Georiga and to the ends of the Earth. Yeah.

2010-04-30T05:56:00.000-07:00

I'm finding that I go into default mode a lot when it comes to the bible verses I use.

Whenever I'm in a situation or I am choosing a topic to cover in youth I always try to default all the verses I already know and that I'm familiar with. And hopefully no one else will be familiar with them because that makes me really smart and spiritual, right? Right.

But I don't always step back and look at those verses in their overall context. It makes me feel silly on morning like this when I actually catch a glimpse of what God is really saying to me.

For example: Isaiah 6:8.
We know this one.
There are 136 praise song we sing in reference to it.
We've all sat through 27 Sunday school lessons about it.
And still every time we hear it we are compelled, We say, "God, send me!"

And that's what Isaiah 6:8 says:

8Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, "Whom shall I send? And who
will go for us?"And I said, "Here am I. Send me!"

I know I want God to send me. Every time I hear this verse I am inspired to go for God.

But rarely have I heard it explained as to what God was commissioning Isaiah to do actually do.
And what Isaiah agreed to do.

After Isaiah utters his infamous words God gives him his orders:

9 "Go and tell this people; be ever hearing, but
never understanding; be ever seeing, but
never perceiving.'

10 Make the heart of this people calloused;
make their ears dull and close their eyes.
Otherwise they might see with their eyes,
hear with their ears, understand with their hearts,
and turn and be healed"

Ouch! I do not want to be the one delivering that message. Isaiah wasn't being called to share the sunshine and butterflies of Christianity. I wonder sometimes how I would stand up to the test of not baring the good news. I wonder if I would just back off. "Oh no, God. I didn't say 'send me'... I said 'send Pete.' You know Pete. He's kinda tall, dark hair, really good at all that confrontational stuff. Yeah yeah. Send Pete."

I hope not though. I hope instead of turning and running that my reply would be like Isaiah's.

Simply this: "Lord, how long.?"

God said "jump" and Isaiah said "how high". God told him to do something and he asked how long. He wasn't questioning, complaining or reconsidering. I hope I take that into consideration next time I say, or encourage other people to say, "Here am I. Send me."

Because it's a much bigger call than we realize.

I'm going to start being more aware of the context of the scriptures I quote and comments I make. Thanks, God, for the heart check.

This is the song that never ends.

2010-04-28T23:30:00.000-07:00

My mind has been running circles around me recently.

So many things have been happening and changing. And its only going to happen faster and change more from here on out.

Part of me really wants to be part of what's changing and not part of what is staying the same. I want to be part of something different.

Its been a really strange night for me. I'm going to try to post one day soon so I can wrap these thoughts together in a way that makes sense. For now this is all I got. Insensible-- yeah..that sounds like me.

Oh, Brother.

2010-04-22T13:16:00.000-07:00

I really do Love having my brother home.

I enjoy his companionship. I miss him when he's gone. And even though I'm happy for him to be in other places living and experiencing, it difficult not being there to take care of him. To make sure he doesn't do anything dangerous or getting himself hurt.

Stephen likes to talk to me about going places with him. He told me he thinks we should go town to town, only staying places for months at a time, and (essentially) setting up programs within communities where people can get involved and volunteer in making their city a better place.

How either of us are qualified for that, I do not know.

As he'll tells me about going place, seeing things, living the nomadic life, I'm always torn. I enjoy seeing new place, meeting new people, learning new things, experiencing life in ways that can only be experienced at that one place in that one moment.

I envy him at times for being able to go and do freely. Sometimes I feel held here, not by my own desires to be here, but because I worry about what would happen if I left. (I don't think that I'm the glue holding things together...I just want to be close enough in case I ever would be needed) To carry such little responsibility. He has no weight of obligation. He answers to himself only.

That is where I do not envy him. I can't imagine laying my head down at night and not answering for my life that day. To go to bed not wondering if I had done the day justice. What is the point of being able to go and do freely if the things you do are done in vain.

Not having anything to live for.
No One
to live for.

I want to go and see and do. But I want to do all those things with and for Him that called me and set me apart for His distinct purpose.

I can only imagine that anything else would simple be wandering.

How empty that must feel.

How lonely that must be.

I'll pray for Stephen a little bit harder today because I don't want him to be wander, or be empty, or be lonely.

Forces

2010-04-14T12:19:00.000-07:00

I try to hard.

I try to make things happen. That should be a good thing, I think.
Big picture, I think it's a good thing.
Small picture, (like blog contents) I try to hard with.

I don't have ~~a lot~~ any insight to prominent issues.
I don't have cute sayings about life.
I don't have alliterative sermon points.
I don't think I've ever really had an original thought.

I'm okay with that though. I'm going to try to start blogging more for me. My own epiphanies, should I ever actually have any. More than anything else, I just want this to be a place where I can be real. Not try to come up with anything really spiritual to say. God shows me so much of Himself every day. I don't know why I think I have to put it into a blog. That's just me trying to be cool.

We'll see where this goes. I just want to be me.
I'm good at being me.
Being me isn't always good.
But I'm good at it, nonetheless.

And I'm working on making it better.

(Plus, the fact that no one reads this blog will help with my humility.)

Testing Links for Sharing google information

2010-01-05T16:26:00.000-08:00

Lesson Plan

Powerpoint Lesson

Spreadsheet Information

CC Forms

Long Time Gone

2009-12-03T03:26:00.000-08:00

Okay. So its been a while since I've blogged. Lets see if I still remember how to do this.

I enjoy winter time. I absolutely hate being cold.

Contradiction? Not necessarily.

I love scarfs, gloves, coats, *insert whatever accessory that helps you stay warm and is also cute*.

Things that are so pertinent to keeping me warm, but that double as a fashion statement. What more could I ask for? So while I don't like the coldness of the winter season, I have cute accessories to keep me warm that I can't wear before November or after February. (unless you count the random snow days during spring break)

I was pulling out some scarfs and gloves to pack for my trip this weekend and I found a pair of gloves that I had completely forgot that I even owned. In that moment I thought to myself,

"How lucky am I that I can't even remember all the stuff that I have?"

Some people will go entire lifetimes owning fewer things that I forget that I have in one season. How often do I take for granted that I have a dozen pair of jeans to pick from? Or that I get to pick what shoes I'm going to put on when I go outside this morning.

I'm going to try to notice things that I take for granted. For example..

1. Multiple cereal choices

2. Having enough silverware for our whole family to eat at the same time. (you'd be surprised how many families don't have enough utensils to eat dinner together)

Just some small thoughts from my morning in the coat closet.

(3. we have a closet just for our coats.)

2009-07-21T09:04:00.000-07:00

This week started off great. First day in the new community yesterday. It looks to be an awesome week. The churches in the community are wonderful and their pastors have been extremely helpful and active in what we're doing.

The doctor comes back to see me this evening before the team gets back, so I'm stuck at the Hostel today. I can't see the team from where I am today, but my heart and my prayers are with them. I'm trying not to throw myself a pity party. I just hate not being there.

A few random pictures:

The United States embassy. I think it might be bigger than some cities that we've been in.

The "Hanky Pank" game. Note to self: never start a game that you don't intend to play between 600 and 700 more times. I loved every minute of it though.

This is Estephanie. Yeah, we have the same name. She was really quiet, I don't remember ever hearing her make a noise during our time there. We were all sitting around playing when she decided to crawl up in my lap. It took me a while before I realized she was asleep because she was so quiet. I stole this picture from Niki's facebook.

"The Chair" skit. Levi comes in and gets stuck to the chair (aka:sin) and we all come in after him and get stuck too. If you'll notice the red piece of plastic beside us...that's one of the chair legs. We broke the chair 2 sinners into the skit. My knee is supporting the back right corner where the leg should be. We laughed pretty hard.

Me and one of this kids chillin after lunch. I think we were jammin to Matt Wertz.

On our trek through the jungle to get to where the churches garden will be. Long, long, long trek.

The church we were working with in Perulapia.

The beach where we were staying.

Me doing some reflecting.
(Wow. Does that sound like something mom would say or what?)

Hope yall've enjoyed the catch up. I know it kept me occupied. I think I might go out of my mind before this day is over.

2009-07-19T13:13:00.000-07:00

Amazing weekend. They told us we were going to the beach house that is owned by the same people as the Hostal we're staying at. If you compare the pictures of the Hostal that are in the brocher to the actual place, it screams false advertising (not that I'm complaining. I had been preparing myself for this trip thinking I'd sleep on a dirt floor, but We have internet and indoor plumbimg..so no complaints here.) That being said, we were sure this "beach house" was going to be a little different than the pictures. But when we got here Friday night we were all amazed. "On the beach" actually meant "On the beach". The water is 6 steps from the back porch and the pool was cleaner than any condo I've stayed at. The inside was completely open so the sound of the waves was constant. I won't know what to think when we leave and I don't hear waves crashing anymore.

It was so nice to just chill and relax. Spent a good amount of time in the sun. Gunna have the most ridiculous tan line. One of the few things I'm excited to get back to the states for (beside the people and the sweet tea) is to even out these tan lines. The quiet time out here was amazing. I listened to alot of music, did alot of reading, alot of sleeping and alot of praying. I caught up on alot of my podcast. I had 22 podcast waiting to be listened to, so it was good to get that number down. We leave here after lunch to head back to Perulapia. We're doing service at the church that we worked with last week.

This next week is going to be insane. We went over the schedule for the week last night and its going to be PACKED! I think it's going to be a great way to end out our full weeks of ministry. If it doesn't kill us, that is. It's a good thing that we're going to be coming off such a relaxing weekend.

2009-07-16T20:31:00.000-07:00

This past few days we've been in Perulapia. We've been working in the schools this with the teens and the youngins. There are a TON of kids here, but they're all very precious. Matt left on Monday, so we have Bethany and Clair with us now. They have been an amazing addition to the team. (And they BOTH of them speak spanish, which is extremely helpful to have two more translators!) I'm starting to pick up on some spanish. Every once in a while I'll be in a conversation and actually catch a few words. Normally I can't put those words together to make sense, but its still cool.

A few of us played soccer with the kids today. It was awesome. I may not be able have entire conversations this the teens here, but being able to play soccer with them definitely help build a relationship that I wouldn't have been able to otherwise. We talked about HIV/AIDS to the teens today. It was a really heavy subject, but one that HAD to be addressed here. As sad as it is, they say HIV/AIDS is very very prevalent in this part of El Salvador. And the teens were really receptive during this presentation, which was surprising when considering the attention span of these 100 teenagers.

I got my first little taste of homesickness yesterday. Just remembered alot of stuff from the states that I miss. Like showers that aren't freezing and being able to make phone calls whenever I want to. I'm gunna make it though.

2009-07-11T20:34:00.000-07:00

It's been an awesome week! Had our last day in El Sartin. We helped make Papusas and finished out our week there. Today was a much needed off day! We slept in which was a blessing in itself! We ate lunch with a girl that Matt's grandparents support through Latin American Child Care. It was really cool! We ate with her, her mother and little brother. To avoid all the details, she lost her father less than a year ago and her family is in a very sad situation. Her story broke my heart. Unfortunately, her story isn't uncommon here.

On the way back to Hostal la Portada, where we're staying, we stopped by some mayan ruins. It was cool. Very ancient. It was nice to have a day off. My turn to do devo. Spoke from John 21. Talked about Simon Peter jumpin out the boat. I love passionate people.

Papusas

My princess

Ancient Mayan ruins

2009-07-10T06:24:00.001-07:00

We're about to head out for our last day in El Sartin. I've gotten attached here a lot faster than I thought I would.
The school we were at. They were out of school because of the swine flu most days this week, but we did get to work a few days with them there.

Kayla is going to kill be by the end of this trip.

Us helping get the corn ready for tamales.

The end of THE LONGEST DAY OF MY LIFE!! Soooooooooo tired, but it was a great day.

Back in San Salvador.

Such awesome stuff has been happening. When we first got to El Sartin the adults were skeptical of us being here. But by the end of the day yesterday most all the adults were very receptive to us being in the community. You can see it in their faces and the way they speak to us (even though I don't understand a majority of what they're saying). I'm excited to get this day started.

Mucha humildad

2009-07-08T22:05:00.000-07:00

Such an amazing day. Everyday I'm here life seems to find a new way to humble me.

I've completely given up on make up while I'm in El Salvador. Its just pointless. I was complaining to the other girls this morning about how much I hate not looking good and then I remembered the niños in El Sartin we've been working with. They can't afford toothbrushes and toothpaste, but I'll complain that my mascara runs from the heat.

(Thanks, God. Heard ya!)

This morning when we got to El Sartin, the community we've been working in this week, they were already crowded around the building. We talked yesterday about how God cared about our physical health so today we had a bag for each youngin' that had a toothbrush, toothpaste and soap in it.

This is me and some of this kids with their new toothbrushes! And they don't even care that I'm not wearing make up!

This is one of my favorite picture from my trip so far. This is Gabriel. He's my buddy and practically attached to my hip the entire time we're in El Sartin.

(While I was typing this blog the nicest El Salvadorian man, that works here at Hostal de Pordada, brought me what is, without a doubt, the best cup of coffee I've had in my entire life. I'll never drink Starbucks again and be truly satisfied.)

Donde es mi chinchillia?

2009-07-06T13:11:00.000-07:00

So many things have happened. Its hard to even begin to explain.

My computer finally started working. Thank goodness for Matt Wilkie and his seemingly infinite knowledge on all things El Salvadorian! He figured out how to make my computer work with the wi fi here!

I'll start updating more now that I back to having the internet. But for tonight...just a few things I've learned in the past few weeks.

Nothing is more humbling than being in places you know nothing about, with people you know nothing about, who speak a language you know nothing about.
I love Hartsfield- Jackson.
I'm not nearly as funny as I think I am. Everyone here is hilarious.
I would kill for an AJC most days.
Tape worm is one of the most disgusting things that could happen to people.
Bottled water is awesome.
I LOVE Convoy de Esperanza and anyone related to it. Everyone at COH is astounding.
Life has a funny way of throwing you things that you don't expect...when you least expect it.
I have a lot to learn.

Taking Care of Business

2009-06-19T22:14:00.000-07:00

Day 1 and 2 recap.

Day 1-

Got up early for pancakes and bacon. Aka: the pan-less morning. I was so glad to have spent time with my [camp]family, but exhausted from so many late nights. I had to say goodbye to the campgrounds and to the "all-summer every-summer for the past 6 yrs" experience that I am so familiar with and love. I said goodbye to my friends and to my biggest cheerleaders (Eric & Paige). The summer will be strange not being there, but I am excited to see how this experience changes my view of myself and the world. But I must say, I will miss Neverland.

I fell in and out of sleep while Stacie asked me questions on the way to the airport. Mom and Stacie walked me around for a while until we got to security. Leaving the two most beautiful and influential women in my life was a strange and scary experience, but at the same time very empowering.

I go on the plane and sat next to a guy that looked like he was going to throw up before we even left the ground (needless to say...not very comforting) but sleep overcame me 5 minutes after take off and I slept until they announced we were landing. The Springfield airport is much less intimidating than Hartsfeild-Jackson, so I was pleasantly surprised.

We met up with the other girls and went to Convoy of Hopes office/distribution center. We spent the rest of the day touring and meeting people. The night ended with all of us at the intern house discussing rules and regulations of the house/COH and sharing the dream for the weeks ahead. The intern house is amazing. We are living it up. There is so much food here. They have muscle milk and whey protein shake mix (stuff I can't afford to buy at home), crunchy peanut butter, and all the pineapple I could ever ask for! It was a long day, but SO amazing. Needless to say, I slept very well last night. Hopefully my snoring didn't wake the other girls.

Day 2-

We got to COH and had some personal devo time. Afterwards we met up with Matt and Shannon to tour the facility and meet everyone around the office (who are amazing by the way.) The entire office has such a positive energy about it! Afterwards we spent the afternoon going over plans for the next few weeks, discussing what we'll be doing in which cities and what's expected of us. We discussed what it means to have God's heart for the world.k

We talked about committing ourselves to His purpose. Letting him use us to show His righteousness, justice, love, compassion and faithfulness. Matt used a quote from John Pieper that says: "Missions is not the ultimate goal of the church, worship is. Missions exists where worship doesn't." Powerful stuff. We broke from there and had a little free time. Made a walmart run, then headed to Matt's house for AWESOME enchiladas (kudos Mrs. Wilkie) and an intense game of spoons (or, for all intensive purposes, "chopsticks"). We came back to the house and watched you tube videos to end the night.

So far, this experience has well exceeded my expectations. I expected to be excited to be here, but nothing like I am experiencing now. I have such an amazing peace right now. It's really indescribable. As we sat around the table today in the training room I felt so at home. I felt like I was made to do this. I can't describe how natural it feel to be apart of this experience. Its truly astounding.

I'm excited for the days to come, but even more excited for the next few hours of sleep. I look forward to these next few weeks. They will be some of the most life changing days I have ever experienced.

I Won't Back Down

2009-05-15T06:48:00.000-07:00

I love me some Tom Petty right now. "I Won't Back Down" has made its way to top my of "recently played" playlist on my ipod. What a great song. It's so solid. Good rhythm, simple lyrics, solid beat. Its just a really great song. Petty wrote the song in 1988 [though not released till '89]. I like to think that ol' Tom could feel something crazy about to be birthed into this world, so he wrote this song as an intro for my life.

In all seriousness, I love this song. How can you listen to:

Well I know whats right, I got just one life
In a world that keeps on pushin' me around
But Ill stand my ground and I wont back down

and not get just a little pumped up. Cause isn't that what we all want? Something to fight for. Something that we can be passionate about. Whether or not we want to admit it...no matter how laid back and mellow we want everyone to think we are...

We're all looking for that variable in life that we could stand up at gates of hell for and we wouldn't back down.

Something that so captivates us that we can't contemplate taking that easy way out.

We want something to fight for. We desire passion. I've been finding out recently that I desire to be so passionate about something that it totally and completely absorbs every part of me. I want a passion that makes me fearless.

[A lot of times we mistake the concern for the way our passions are carried out for fear.There's a difference between concern and fear...but that's a different blog for a different day]

Back For Another Round.

2009-05-05T17:03:00.000-07:00

Wow. It has been too long since my last real blog. I realize now how much I miss it. Blogging is therapeutic in a way for me. I guess I feel like I'm getting out everything that I've been needing to say. And I can write for as long as I want...cause it's my blog...and I can do what I want to with it. If you think my blog is too long...or too boring...or to menial...then you can go away...no feelings hurt. The search bar is up at the top just waiting to help redirect you to another location...

Life has been a little crazy the past few weeks or so. Between school, work, church, picking up my brother and dealing with other people problem... I've been going nonstop. I've made myself sick from lack of sleep and pretty much run my entire body down.

But I wish I could say that I hadn't done it to myself.

I've been keeping myself busy. I've been lost and scared and confused. The worst part is that I've been taking the easy way out. I hate that. I hate that in my moment of fear I let myself do the cowardly thing of keeping myself so busy that I haven't had time to deal with my own emotions. I never thought I'd let myself be that person.

Wow...this is a really horrible blog to come back on, huh? Man..you really should have redirected when you had a chance.

I'm focusing on Marketing, Economics and Finance for the next 48 hours. After that I'm starting to deal with this stuff.

Pretty In Pink

2009-03-26T10:42:00.000-07:00

I'm doing a test embedment for my Flamingo flocking fundraiser!!

View Larger Map

Let's see what this baby can do.

Misery Business

2009-03-18T05:47:00.000-07:00

I love to watch people. People doing stupid things on YouTube, to the crazies in line at walmart, to people who walking around campus, etc.

People never stop amazing me.

What I find very interesting is which of these things people put their time into. People put alot of time and effort into different activities, events, sports, hobbies, etc. What I find even more interesting is why people are surprised when they don't feel fulfilled in those things. People think that we were just put on earth to hang out and wonder around until we find something that makes us feel good.

But what amazes me even more is the number of people who do it anyway? Why, when people realize that these things aren't working, do people keep on doing it? It doesn't make any sense. [But neither does making video's of Redneck Ninjas]

The way the human brain works is amazing. How little emphasis we put on life and how content people are just to get through life unscathed. People, people, people....

Slow Dancing in a Burning Room

2009-03-02T19:52:00.000-08:00

My mind has been going a million miles an hour recently.

Except for Thursday-Sunday of this past weekend. My mind was contained on those days by large amounts of sleep and ni quil. [The first resulting from the latter.]

There are so many good things going on. So many things that I'm seeing God put into motion. Some in my life and so much in the lives of those close to me. And while everything seems to be happening so fast, it seems like it will take so long for me to see the final product of His work. I'm ready to see what He's got in store. He's raising up some awesome people for this generations and I am so excited. It makes sleep (without the aid of ni quil) near impossible.

And through it all He keeps me. Everyday He shows me more of Him. Just when I think I understand it all, He comes in and blows my mind. And I've come to the astounding realization that He is jealous for me. Can you believe that? God that created every universe, every star, every blade of grass, every zebra, every cricket, drop of rain is jealous for ME. The God that made Tiger lilies and kiwi (two things I know He made with me in mind) desires me!

He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realize just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.

-How He Loves Us So
http://www.youtube.com/

That's a GOOD way to get on my BAD side

2009-02-28T19:24:00.001-08:00

Dear self centered, mean, bad mannered, ignorant, hard headed, stubborn, undeserving, ungrateful, non productive member of society,

You've got one more ugly remark to say to the most brilliant, godly, beautiful, outstanding, talented, amazing, selfless, giving, and again I say BEAUTIFUL, woman in my life before I GO OFF on your sorry tail.

For your sake [and for hers], I pray that God grant me half as much patience and self control as she has before you tick me off one more time. And if He doesn't....

God have mercy on your soul.

Goodnight,

Stephanie

Barely Out of Tuesday

2009-02-24T15:23:00.000-08:00

I don't have anything to offer

I am not a profound thinker
I cannot play an instrument
I am not good with words
I do not have money to give
I do not have wisdom to impart
nor resources to pull from
I cannot preach
I do not sing

What I do have is love.
A love for God, a love for His people and a love for His work.
He gave me a body and I'll do my best to wear it out before life wears me out.

Maybe it has something to do with playing sports growing up. "Give all you've got", "Leave everything all the field". If I don't leave church tired, I still feel like I've got more to do. If I haven't given God and His people my everything, then I have not done my part. Because my part is filling in the gaps...

Somewhere there is someone who needs help tearing down a puppet stage, picking up the leftover bulletins, putting away mic cords, cleaning up their Sunday school room, locking up so they can go home..etc. I want to help do these things. I have not been given gifts that allow me to minister in front of people, but what I have been given is the awareness of the people around me and the desire to work with and for them. To help out how I can.

Many people will go through life thinking they can't do anything (or refusing to do anything) because they cannot minister in front of people, but God has given me eyes to see beyond that mindset...and that is a gift in itself.

Honestly, I am glad God hasn't given me a gift that puts me in front of people. I feed way too much off of people's praise. Not being talented keeps me humble. Plus, loving people is just as much a gift as any....at least it is with the people I'm around.

This is the gift that He's given me.
Love.
The love that He shows me and the desire to show love to others.

Hard, Hard Working [Wo]man

2009-02-21T05:02:00.000-08:00

COMPLAINT DISCLAIMER:

I do not want to go to work.

I want to go to Stockbridge.

AND

I want the kids CD's to come in so I can put motions to them.

AND

I want to go to Josh Brown's concert tonight

Saturday, February 21, 2009

and the Woodstock Coffee House

at 8:00pm

Who I am Hates Who I've Been

2009-02-19T08:16:00.000-08:00

Check out David:

"Judge me, O Lord, according to my righteousness
and according to the integrity that is in me. "

Holy moley. That is a big statement. Many times I tend to skim over words like 'righteousness' because I've heard them so many times. Today it stopped me and all I could think was 'dang'. What if I could speak that over my own life? I wish I could pray like that.

Alot of times I think that I am right... it's that "eous" that gets me in trouble. While I may be right in comparision to some other folks, I fail on the righteous end. I don't even want to start on integrity. Too many times I base my integrity off how much better my standards are than those around me, when I should be comparing it to God's standard for my life.

I cannot wait till I can pray Davids prayer
When my heart is pure and my intentions focused on Him
When I come to measure my integrity by the incorruptablilty of my own heart
And when I'm less concerned about being right and more concerned about being righteous

Props David. You had alot of guts.

I'm a hazard to myself

2009-02-16T15:55:00.000-08:00

I don't know if its because I grew up as a pastor's kid...being at the church 23/7 for most of my life..or because getting a sign is more gratifying to my impatient nature...or maybe its because I just want everything to be deeper than it is sometimes...

but I read way too into things.

For whatever reason, I feel like every situation that I encounter has to be turned into some kind of example..some kind of Sunday School answer.
Like there's a moral to every choice that I make...or the bumper sticker on the car in front of me holds the answer to my problems.But really....

some times I think that life is just life. And, even though I want to believe it sometimes, the song playing when I walked into the gym this morning probably wasn't speaking to my situation.

When we're in line with what God has for our lives HE will help us see our situations for what they are. He'll show me the plan He has for my life. 'His plans to prosper [me] and not to harm [me], plans to give [me] hope and a future'. (And a freakin' awesome future if I do say so myself.) But that doesn't mean He's sending me signs through the new episode of Heros, or in what my friends status' are on facebook.

If I could stop trying to fit God into MY plan and just stick to the plan HE has laid out for me, I'd be alot better off.

Today I stop looking too deep into what other people say and do. Cause as much as I love Coldplay, God has way bigger plans for me than can be contained in their songs.

And maybe when its all said and done, I'll have a good story to tell in Sunday school....if not, I'm okay with that too.

Its been a really good day :)

My Front Porch Looking In

2009-02-11T13:36:00.000-08:00

Perspective is an amazing thing.

It's something that we all have
(but most people don't have enough of)

It's one of those,
the.more.you.have- the.less.you.have
type deals

The more I start to see things from a perspective other than my own default window, the more I start to realize how much different my situations are than I originally had thought. How different everyone situations are than I originally had thought. How many different angels there are to my circumstance than I had been able to see before. I wanna be able to see from different perspectives. Not only so that I can help my own circumstances...but so I can be more aware.

Of those around me
near to me (cause you can be around me and not near to me)
far from me
un[known] to me.

Raindrops Keep Fallin' On My Head

2009-01-16T06:08:00.000-08:00

You know that feeling you get when you all of a sudden realize something about yourself that totally turns you off. At once you're aware of a trait that you exhibit that makes you want to burn everything you've ever touch because it's been in contact with your awfulness?

I had a realization yesterday... I talk about myself a lot. I hate that! If I had to play back the conversations that I've had with the people over the past week I might cut my tongue out my head. That's right..OUT-MY-HEAD. (cause i'm ghetto like dat)

ew. I know that I feed off of peoples affirmation. I know that I feed off of peoples praise and encouragement. But if I'm doing what I need to be doing, people won't need help to find reasons to tell me I'm doing a good job. They don't need me constantly saying, "I did this" or "I did that".

I'm making it a point to not talk so much in general. I wanna improve my listening skills all around. I wanna be good at just being ears for people to talk to. I don't need to always have a story to go along with each conversation. Not a extremely optimistic way to start off the weekend, but I get to see some of my best friends this weekend so its all good!

Just Another Manic Monday

2009-01-12T16:05:00.001-08:00

Crazy, crazy day. Work was insane....so I felt completely at home. I love to be busy at work. I really enjoy having a lot to do.

I saw the most shocking thing today. It all happened when a student was signing in at the front desk to speak with an academic adviser. There's a box where the student will fill in what time they arrived in the office. As this particular student started to fill in that box, he looked down at his watch which I took notice of because very few students wear watches. He looked at his watch for moment after which he began to fiddle around in his pocket. I thought to myself.."no. no. surely not. he couldn't. no."......

But I was wrong. Yes. Yes. It surely was. and he did. yes, he pulled out his phone. Looked at the time and filled in the box for his "arrival time". I really want to give him the benefit of the doubt and say that his watch was fast or the battery was dead. I assume that by the time you get to college you can tell time (even with the roman numerals) but, contrary to popular belief, I've been wrong before and who's to say he didn't know that the big hand points to the minutes.

Either way, it made for an interesting moment. This has no spiritual significance or any moral take away. Unless you count "don't waste the brain God gave you" . Either way....I'm going to change the clock settings on my phone to analog.

Happy 2009!!

2009-01-02T07:45:00.000-08:00

I sit here in the kitchen with my left over cinnamon roll and glass of sweet tea (because I didn't set a weight goal for 2009) with the two most important women in my life. My mom and Stacie. They've gotten me through alot. Mom with her infinite knowledge on any subject and answers to any questions i might have....and Stacie with her passion for whatever the emergency of the day is and her ability to be the defender of our family. She has wanted to kill many people over the past year in defense of our family members. The three of us have laughed ALOT this past year. I don't know where I'd be without them.

The last of this year has been overshadowed with alot of hurt and sadness, which stink because some amazing things happened in 2008.

- I became more involved at Momentum and have enjoyed seeing what God is doing in the lives of Momentum goers and the community. I've started working with Jumpstart (kids ministries). I've enjoyed working with Brantley and Hannah...and the kids have blown my mind.

- Camp Timberlake 2008. All Star Summer. I couldn't ask for more. A chapter of my life closed on August 1, 2008 that I never wanted to see end. But now a way is paved for a new group of kids to share in the experience. They will make memories that will alter the way they see friendships, fun and the world. They will experience love, laughter and work that cannot be paralleled. I am sad that my time has ended, but excited for the new generation. Long live Camp Paradise. They can put walls around the tabernacle, but they can't put walls around our hearts.

- I started experiencing home in different places. Betsie knows her way to Stockbridge now. I'm starting to grow fond of the signs for the i-675 split. More love has been sown into me over the past few months than i could have ever imagined. A love that is unconditional and that I can't being to repay.

- Started a new line of work. Kennesaw State Department of Undergraduate Business Programs. Woot Woot. It's been a great experience. The people there have been great to me. Some days it's pretty crazy, but others it barely feels like work. I've started making connections that aren't just helping me build my resume but helping build relationships and learning from the best in the business.

- I started pursuing my calling. I'm excited to be getting involved with some different ministries and seeing how missions work. I'm excited to be part of something bigger than just me. Something that's going to change people and the world. I'm setting up plans that require God and goals that are destined for fail if I don't keep Him as my number one.

- I got my heart broken. I watched people I love choose to make bad decisions, put themselves in bad situations, move to different states and get tattoos that they will regret someday. I saw them push their limits and drove them home listening to them break, confessing that there must "be something more" and that they "want more than this lifestyle". I got my heart broken again when I watched them slide back into the choices they've admitted they regret. But I've been there, done all I can do for them, prayed all I can pray for them and I'm excited for the day that they will come home. (I pray they will also be beardless on that day.)

- I hit 100,000 miles. An accomplishment in itself. Congrats, Betsie. I wish you many many many many more. Please.

- I saw my mom smile alot. I've seen her back in her element...working with kids and being involved with Momentum. Seeing her read 12 books at a time, following 17 peoples podcast and 87 people on twitter. She's become an even bigger inspiration to me than I thought possible. She has spoken into my relationships and showed me how to set up my ipod. I hope to be more like her in 2009 and will kill anyone who prohibits her happiness this next year. Stacie/Eric...keep your eyes on the sky. Lets keep the idiots in line.

- I lost my best friend. I put all I had into my relationship and found out that sometimes things just stink. I'm focusing on my other relationships and on Gods call for my life in 2009. I haven't burnt that bridge. We'll see if paths cross again. I can't say that I would mind if they did. But for now I'm finding out what I need from myself and from the person that I commit my life to.

I started 2009 with a tear. For the one who wasn't there and for the ones who were. For the opportunities that I will have a chance to be a part of and for the opportunities that were lost. For the individuals who have got me here and the ones that I will continue on with. 2008 came and went too fast. I've loved beyond what I thought possible. Been apart of alot of rumors and drama that I look back on now and laugh. I can't say I have any regrets. I can say that I have alot of hope. Stephanie 2.0 will be stepping it up in 2009. I'm excited to be with ya'll on this journey.

Home By Saturday

2008-12-06T07:54:00.000-08:00

Been a good weekend. Done with Accounting forever and I couldn't be happier. BISM class is over. It was my easy class of the semester. Signed up to take the same professor for BISM 3100 next semester. Atleast I'll have 1 easy class next semester.

Been hanging out with some really good friends this weekend. I helped put up the Christmas tree. Mom's probably not happy that it wasn't the one in her living room, but at least I helped someone though, right? Overall its been a really good weekend.

I've got a feeling everything gunna be alright

2008-12-04T06:40:00.000-08:00

Eric said that it was okay for it to be about me right now. So I'm going to try.

I hurt.

That's all I've got. I'm not good at this yet.

I Wanna Talk About Me

2008-12-02T06:03:00.000-08:00

I always wanna talk about me.

What's going on in my life. What I wanna do. Who I wanna be. The pain that I'm in. The decisions that I'm making. How great my day has been.

Today I'm trying to take the focus off of me and just be thankful for life.

There's so many people around the world who can't just live life.
Can't do what they want to do.
Be who they want to be.
Can't escape the pain they're in.
Have their decisions made for them
and are happy to just have lived through their day.

I have the freedom to do what I want to do and be who I want to be. So I have alot to be thankful for.

1, 2, 3, 4.

2008-11-24T08:03:00.000-08:00

Today I'm letting go of everything thing I've been holding onto.
(holding me back)

I am excited to see where God takes me
unsure of where to start
confident that He will get me there
and more than anything

scared out of my mind

scared to fail at being
good enough
strong enough
smart enough
graceful
faithful
adequate
and/or
effective

Ineffective...ew. The thought makes me sick at my stomach. sick at my heart.
The idea of just being another number.
1, 2, 3...there goes Stephanie...5, 6, 7..blah.

I want to be the one who's motivated by what scares me.
that my fear of complacency drives me.
to be stronger.
To be everything that I need to be
To be who people need me to be
who He made me to be

I Was Made For War

2008-11-22T05:12:00.000-08:00

I AM A PART of the Fellowship of the Unashamed.

The die has been cast. The decision has been made. I have stepped over the line. I wont look back, let up, slow down, back away or be still.

My past is redeemed, my present makes sense, and my future is in Gods hands. I am
finished and done with low living, sight walking, small planning, the bare minimum, smooth
knees, colorless dreams, tamed visions, mundane talking, frivolous living, selfish giving, and
dwarfed goals.

I no longer need preeminence, prosperity, position, promotions, applause, or popularity. I
dont have to be right, first, the best, recognized, praised, regarded, or rewarded. I now live
by faith. I lean on Christs presence. I love with patience, live by prayer, and labor with the
power of Gods grace.

My face is set. My gait is fast, my goal is heaven. My road is narrow, my way is rough, my
companions are few, my Guide is reliable, and my mission is clear.

I cannot be bought, compromised, detoured, lured away, turned back, deluded, or delayed. I
will not flinch in the face of sacrifice, hesitate in the presence of adversity, negotiate at the
table of the enemy, ponder at the pool of popularity, or meander in the maze of mediocrity.
I won’t give up, shut up, let up or slow up until I have stayed up, stored up, prayed up, paid
up, and spoken up for the cause of Christ.

I am a disciple of Jesus. I must go till He comes, give until I drop, speak out until all know,
and work until He stops me.

And when He returns for His own, He will have no difficulty recognizing me. My banner is
clear: I am a part of the Fellowship of the Unashamed.

Infiltrate-Worth Dying For

Goodbye, Ruby Tuesday

2008-11-18T13:39:00.000-08:00

Its freezing.

Weather channel says 38°.
I say close enough.

As much as I complain about the cold, there are a few things I enjoy.

It means the holidays are coming (and the parties they bring with them)
The Salvation Army people at the mall
Scarfs
The smell of pine trees
Candy canes
A Santa outfit for Jack
Harry Connick Jr. christmas album
Smittens *Stacie*
The tingling feeling you get in your nose when the feeling finally comes back after being outside too long
How smells seem to last longer. Especially if they get stuck in your clothes
Christmas lights
The way the windshield fogs at the bottom when you leave the defrost on too long.
Movie nights by the fireplace
Kids selling hot chocolate outside Wal-Mart

Monday, Monday. So good to me.

2008-11-17T11:32:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday to Mi Madre!!

I love my mom more than anything in this world! She has taught me so much. I'll never be able to tell her or anyone else how awesome she really is. I am so lucky that God has put me in her care. I hate to think of how I might have turned out without her to guide me. I know I say it alot, but it's still as true as ever, she is everything I hope/pray to be one day.

I was recalling a phrase that I use to hear ALOT growing up. While arguing, complaining, tattling. whining, etc. I would use the phrase, "I'm just saying....". Most of the time I wouldn't get the entire phrase out of my mouth before my mom said, "Well don't 'just say'".

Now I don't know if mom meant for me to comprehend that phrase to mean more than just 'stop whining', but as I've grown I've started to realize how important it is to not 'just say'. I say alot of things. I can say, "Happy Birthday, Mom", but if I don't do anything special for her today, how will she know how much I really mean that? I can say to someone, "Hey, God loves you.", but if I am never the embodiment of Christ's love, how much substance do my words hold? They may accept it, but how much more will it mean if it's evident in my actions?

I can say, "I love God", I can say, "I want to do missions work". I can say, "I want to change the world", but if I don't get out there and DO something, what I SAY counts for nothing.

Thanks for teaching me so much, Mom! I hope you've had a good birthday. You deserve it!! I hope you've read all day and drank all the coffee that you could!! I love you!

Friday Morning Maddness

2008-11-14T21:02:00.000-08:00

Slept on the couch. -1
GG sets alarm off at 5:30. -3
Put shirt on backwards. -1
Gas at Chevron 1.93. +5
People driving 45mph on the highway. -1
Forgot foundation. -4
Moby in the morning. +3
Found out Stephen shaved. +6
Work. -1
Online shopping at work. +1
______________________
Friday Morning Total = +4

Should be a good day :)

I am Simon and I am Garfunkel

2008-11-09T16:15:00.000-08:00

I am starting a list

I am confused

I am loud

I am protective

I am a worker

I am happy

I am a sister

I am a daughter

I am a granddaughter

I am a fiance

I am a student

I am a rock

I am an island

I am a bad driver

I am an office freak

I am a good friend

I am my mother :)

I am a closet romantic

I am called

I am a bad judge of character

I am loved

I am my brothers keeper

I am realizing and appreciating who I am

My thoughts between prerequisite overrides.

2008-11-07T07:33:00.000-08:00

I'm not good with big words. though I can spell antidisestablishmentarianism without looking at the dictionary. [thanks Mrs Whitaker.] Other than that, I don't think my diction is anything to write home about. But it got me ta thinkin': Do the words that I choose help or hinder me? Does the way that I present my ideas and belief influence other peoples views about what I say?

Decision: I think it does. I don't think we should go around talking like uneducated people because that's not a good representation of who Christ is, but a lot of times we can get caught up in making things sound good.

All in all: I think we'd get a whole lot more done as Christians if we started caring less about how good what we're saying sounds and start caring more about the truth. Yeah, people might respect what you have to say if you use big words, but is our pretty lingo getting in the way of what God has to say to people? Are we too worried about making Christianity sound appealing that we don't fear God? hmmmmm.....

My opinion: I think we'd get a whole lost more done if we started preaching more from our bibles and less from our dictionaries

But that's just me...

I wanna numba 3. supa size. onion rangs...

2008-11-03T16:08:00.000-08:00

With so many crazy things going on, it's nice to actually just sit in the quiet for a second. I don't normally like the quiet. I'd much rather be running around. Loud sounds. Lots of voices. Constant interaction. I really enjoy being around people and being in the middle of things.

Maybe it's the middle child syndrome. Always gotta be in the middle.
(except on long plane rides and outdoor concerts)

In light of all the drama and excitement that has seemed to envelop my life the past few day, I am happy. Very emotional. Lots of sadness, laughter, encouragement, pain, happiness, weariness, joy, surrender (and i wonder why I'm enjoying being alone for a little bit...). So many things taking place right now...but I've decided that I'm about to step it up a notch. Things in my life are about to go to a new level. I'm been doing to many things half heartedly. So, if you are involved in any of these areas of my life, feel free to question me and smack me upside the head if I'm slacking.

Classes- My studies are about to get alot more intense. I've been just getting by, I'm about to blow them out of the water these last few weeks!
Work-I always work pretty hard, but want to be more aware of how a treat people. I want to smile more when I help students. Cause I really am having a good time.
Church-

Momentum Students-I want to rev up the activities. I've been doing the activities for a while, but I want to take that to a new level as well. More heart into it...not just what the kids might enjoy with the least effort from me. I want them to have a good time with God and each other
Jumpstart-I've started doing worship on Sunday mornings which I LOVE!! I've been working on finding some new stuff, but I want to put even more effort into it. I don't want it to ever become a last-minute-saturday-night thing!!

My Work Out- I want to start working out more consistently. I'm a bad about being a one-week-on, one-week-off type of gal. I watch how nutritional my diet is, but i want to be more consistent with that too. Got to keep my temple presentable!
(ha ha...rhymes.)
My Peeps-I want to start embracing my relationships more. I have some awesome people in my life and I want to spend more quality time with all of them. I want them to know that I care about them and that I am here for them 100% of the time. Winter, spring, summer or fall. All they need to do is call. I want them to know that without a doubt

Also, I'm working on being more like my mom. She is the person I look up to most. You know how when you're a kid and you want to be like your mom (or dad) because you think they're the best thing in the whole world? Well....I still feel that way, cause she's the best thing in the whole world. So pray that while I'm living each day to be more like Christ that I become more like my mom too. I need to be a whole lot more like both of them!

This is all just a heads up cause Stephanie 2.0 is being installed.

Re Re Re Ready for the weekend.

2008-10-24T06:33:00.000-07:00

Sooooo glad its friday. Can't wait for this weekend to get rolling. Its gunna be good times. I need some good friend hang out time. Last weekend with the Gordons/Ciraky's has got me craving more quality time with solid people.

very very excited for this weekend!

Did that just happen?

2008-10-21T13:29:00.000-07:00

Why don't aliens eat clowns.

Because they taste funny.

Grrrr......

2008-10-21T11:21:00.000-07:00

You know what really grinds my gears? burns my bagel? ticks me off?

Injustice.

Injustice is the rock in my shoe. The shampoo in my eye. The telemarketer that calls during my dinner.

Injustice angers me. The idea that people are being treated wrong at no fault of their own. The idea that "bad things happen to good people". The idea that individuals are treated badly because they are outnumbered or held down by someone bigger. How thousands of people starve to death not because they spend their grocery money on lotto tickets, but because of where they were born!? How 4 children die from child abuse everyday in America alone?! A lot of times I feel like if I could just have my way in peoples situations everything would be better. I don't understand how God tolerates injustice.

But I also don't understand the idea of real justice. I'm stuck in a body that is ready to battle for justice on the behalf of some and injustice others. I want food for the innocent who are starving(justice) and grace given to my family member who live blatantly against Gods commandments(injustice). I want justice for those who have harmed others, but if I ever saw the guys who beat up my brother, I don't know what I would do. (I like to say that I told them that I forgive them and that Christ loves them. But, if I was able, I might beat them half to death to see how they liked it. )

I want justice when it helps others and injustice when its convenient for me. How backwards is that? I want grace and mercy when I fail, but I'm ready to bust a cap into 4 kids who got drunk and beat a guy up. I'll never be able to get it right, but we'll answer to God eventually. I am really trying to hold onto that right now.

Hi. My name's Stephanie and I'm a Jehovaholic.

2008-10-15T06:43:00.000-07:00

I realized this morning that I never explained the reason for my blogging title. All of my blogging buddies seem to have explained their decided names in their first blog, but I did not. What can I say, I'm a rebel...

(rebelling to remember)

The title from my blog stemmed from two thoughts. Cause everything's better in a numbered list.

1. I desire addiction. I want to love/care/be intriged by/go deeper in/be captivated by/crave something. I want something to so consume my life that it can't help but radiate from me. I know that seems reverse to the negative connotation that we normally apply to "addictions". Drugs, alcohol, sex....these are what we think of as "addictions". But I don't want my addiction to be something I'm ashamed of. I want to want it. I need to need it. I want to be dependent on it. I desire to be addicted to the One worthy of my dependence.

2. I want to portray something that others desire. I want others to see a fulfillment in my addiction when their addictions fail them. Unlike most addictions that bind and enslave, I want them to see how addictive my passion is and yet, so freeing. I want a passion for Christ to be their desired addiction.

So yeah, that's how I got here. Plus, I couldn't think of anything as cool as Stacie's....

She's a wanderer, she wanders around and around and around and around...

Bad Days?

2008-10-14T05:03:00.000-07:00

Bare with me while I try to be deep for a second. Going into Socrates mode: Envy is the ulcer of the soul.

(as is ECON and filing pointless paperwork.)

Speaking of filing. Did you know R, S and T are the letters most often picked in Wheel of Fortune AND the most common first letter of students last names. And I got them ALL. How does one acquire such luck?

(Back to my attempt at philosophy.)

Maybe we're all suppose to have bad days. We're suppose to have hard days so that we don't take for granted the good ones. So that we recognize what we have and will always be thankful for how great and wonderful and marvelous life is......

(Fail.)

Sometimes days just suck. Yeah we can try to draw all sorts of philosophical reasons for why we have bad days and what good can come from it. And sometimes times its true, but sometimes stuff just goes wrong. Things just don't go how we planned. I didn't have any life changing realizations about my sins and transgressions yesterday. My plans changed and it threw me off. My bad days are not always a result of God trying to smite me. Sometimes it's just because of my own bad planning and/or decisions. [ WHOA.....it could be MY fault? What a concept! I could get good at this philosophy thing.]

All in all, sometimes things happen in this life that just stink. Gods not always trying to smite us. He's got everything under His control, but lets try not to blame Him for the stock market crash, high gas prices, unexpected ECON exams and poor public schooling systems.

(My opinion...but what do I know?)

I know nothing except the fact of my ignorance.
-Socrates

Family Ties

2008-10-11T20:34:00.000-07:00

Had fun today with the [future] in-laws. And I was very proud that they made it through Atlanta without giving Chaz's mom a stroke. She's gets very nervous on roads over 4 lanes.

(Bless her heart)

They're such good people and already consider me part of the family. I know I joke about them alot, but I really couldn't ask for more. They'd do anything in the world for me, and I for them.

I've started to realize how many people I have in my life that I consider family.......though some times it feel like i'm part of the Adam's Family...a bunch of crazy people who are all especially weird in their own weird way.

ie. Stephen's crazy beard, Grandmother's need to give us everything she never had as a child while simultaneously hounded granddaddy about whatever the present issue is, Dad's bi polar, Chris "the giant" Ciraky..'nough said, Erics ability to fix anything if you can find him duct tape and/or ibuprofen, etc..............you get the idea....

I have more love and connection than some people will ever experience. It makes me kind of sad. I'm no one special, but I get the love so some many amazing people, while there are people out there who have never experienced true love from another person. So I've made it my personal mission to [from now on] be a people lover. For the people that have no one else, I want to be there. For the one person who it may actually matter to, I want to be there when they have no one else to turn to. Cause I may not have all the answers to their problems, but I know the One who does and if they can see His love through me, it's worth it. It'd be worth trying to love alot of people who will never accept it. But for that person who needs it.....I'll be there.

(this started off as a really light blog, don't know who it emotionally escalated. should I insert a corny joke for our ascent?)

There are 2 cowboys in the kitchen. Which one is the real cowboy?

The one on the range.

Homeless

2008-10-07T15:48:00.000-07:00

Maybe some of us are called to be homeless. Called to have places we call home, but never feel comfortable in a single location. Lately I’ve been starting to feel like that is what God has started putting in my life.

I get comfortable and attached to people quickly, uneasy when I am out touch and out of reach of the people I love, but over the past 6 months I’ve begun to feel the need to be in different places. I don’t feel like I have a home. I have people who love me and places that I like to be, but not one place that I can sit down and say “I’m home”.

I’m starting to believe that God’s put that in me to keep me moving. To keep me from getting stagnant and content in my comfortable places… so that when I’m finally in the career that I want doing missions work, being so away from home will not be an issue like it has been in the past.

Maybe I’m not supposed to be happy in one place. Maybe I’m supposed to be happy in a lot of different places. I’m starting to find that where I assign the word home is depending less on a positional building and more on the individuals that I am with. For example: Anywhere my mom is, I am home. Being at home is more about the feeling I get by being with others, than the physical room I am in.

For God, I’d be glad to be homeless.

It does kind of suck some days though