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Shaddy, Meshy and A-Bend-A-Boo

This story is not unfamiliar to me. Mom and I have told this story many times. It normally starts like this:

Mom: Today we're gunna talk about Shadrach, Meshach and.. Me: To-bed-we-go! (And the kids say.. 'No.')

Me : A-bend-a-bo.. ('Noooo!')
Me: Again-we-so.. ('NOOO!!')
Wait for it.......

Me: Abednego. That's right! ('YAY!!')

I love that little gag. The kids always bet a kick out of it! But I actually read through the story of Shadrach, Meshach and A-bend-a-bo last night. It's been a long time since I've actually read through that story. One part of it struck me right in the wimpy side of my head.

This whole thing goes down after the king of Babylon at the time, Nebuchadnezzer (watch out for the silent 'd', it's tricky.) threw down with Jehoiakim, who was the king of Judah at the time. Well, the silent 'd' won and, like any good ol' fashion beat down, as the winner Nebuchadnezzer brought back some stuff he wanted and some people that he wanted.

In this group of people he wanted was Daniel, Shadrach, Meshach and A-beddy-boo. These guys were cool. They Loved God and were pretty much the bomb. The stuck to their guns and because they did, and with God's favor, they were the strongest, smartest, best looking guys in the joint. (Yes. I just refereed to the ancient city of Babylon as "the joint".)

What really stood out to me as I read this that I hadn't really thought too much about before was in Daniel 3 around verse 17. King Neby had this huge (90ft x 90ft) idol made that everyone was to worship. If you didn't worship the idol then Neby was going to have you thrown into a furnace. (You know, the big things full of FIRE!) Well, Daniel and the guys were like, "Yo, Neby. You da king and all, and we love ya, but aint no way we gunna worship this thang. Yo junk is whack!" (You can find that in The Message- ATL edition.)

Well, they don't really say that exactly. But what they do say is awesome. They say,

"¹⁷ If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and he will rescue us from your hand, O king."

That's pretty cool. They stood their ground because they knew that God could totally take the king. God is way bigger and badder. God would have blown out Neby's furnace like a candle on a birthday cake. The part of this story that struck me though, the part that made me want to have bigger, better faith was this part. This is what they say next,

" ¹⁸ But even if He does not, we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up."

That is bold. So often I find myself speaking solely from the verse 17 perspective: If I were going to sacrifice myself, especially my physical body, for the cause of Christ....He is TOTALLY going to come through with some big, crazy miracle that will save me from all pain and suffering. But these guys understood that is not always the case. They knew that. They said that out loud! They knew that even through the pain and the suffering, even if they had to suffer the furnace, that they had lived and died for the cause of Christ.

I want to start living with the understanding that serving God is a full circle. Not in a way that is conditional on whether or not He's going to pull me out of sticky situations. I want the guts to live THAT way. I want the guts to live like Daniel, Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego. Because THAT has got to be a stinkin awesome way to be living!

In Canton, In Georiga and to the ends of the Earth. Yeah.

I'm finding that I go into default mode a lot when it comes to the bible verses I use.

Whenever I'm in a situation or I am choosing a topic to cover in youth I always try to default all the verses I already know and that I'm familiar with. And hopefully no one else will be familiar with them because that makes me really smart and spiritual, right? Right.

But I don't always step back and look at those verses in their overall context. It makes me feel silly on morning like this when I actually catch a glimpse of what God is really saying to me.

For example: Isaiah 6:8.
We know this one.
There are 136 praise song we sing in reference to it.
We've all sat through 27 Sunday school lessons about it.
And still every time we hear it we are compelled, We say, "God, send me!"

And that's what Isaiah 6:8 says:

8Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, "Whom shall I send? And who
will go for us?"And I said, "Here am I. Send me!"

I know I want God to send me. Every time I hear this verse I am inspired to go for God.

But rarely have I heard it explained as to what God was commissioning Isaiah to do actually do.
And what Isaiah agreed to do.

After Isaiah utters his infamous words God gives him his orders:

9 "Go and tell this people; be ever hearing, but
never understanding; be ever seeing, but
never perceiving.'

10 Make the heart of this people calloused;
make their ears dull and close their eyes.
Otherwise they might see with their eyes,
hear with their ears, understand with their hearts,
and turn and be healed"

Ouch! I do not want to be the one delivering that message. Isaiah wasn't being called to share the sunshine and butterflies of Christianity. I wonder sometimes how I would stand up to the test of not baring the good news. I wonder if I would just back off. "Oh no, God. I didn't say 'send me'... I said 'send Pete.' You know Pete. He's kinda tall, dark hair, really good at all that confrontational stuff. Yeah yeah. Send Pete."

I hope not though. I hope instead of turning and running that my reply would be like Isaiah's.

Simply this: "Lord, how long.?"

God said "jump" and Isaiah said "how high". God told him to do something and he asked how long. He wasn't questioning, complaining or reconsidering. I hope I take that into consideration next time I say, or encourage other people to say, "Here am I. Send me."

Because it's a much bigger call than we realize.

I'm going to start being more aware of the context of the scriptures I quote and comments I make. Thanks, God, for the heart check.

This is the song that never ends.

My mind has been running circles around me recently.

So many things have been happening and changing. And its only going to happen faster and change more from here on out.

Part of me really wants to be part of what's changing and not part of what is staying the same. I want to be part of something different.

Its been a really strange night for me. I'm going to try to post one day soon so I can wrap these thoughts together in a way that makes sense. For now this is all I got. Insensible-- yeah..that sounds like me.

Oh, Brother.

I really do Love having my brother home.

I enjoy his companionship. I miss him when he's gone. And even though I'm happy for him to be in other places living and experiencing, it difficult not being there to take care of him. To make sure he doesn't do anything dangerous or getting himself hurt.

Stephen likes to talk to me about going places with him. He told me he thinks we should go town to town, only staying places for months at a time, and (essentially) setting up programs within communities where people can get involved and volunteer in making their city a better place.

How either of us are qualified for that, I do not know.

As he'll tells me about going place, seeing things, living the nomadic life, I'm always torn. I enjoy seeing new place, meeting new people, learning new things, experiencing life in ways that can only be experienced at that one place in that one moment.

I envy him at times for being able to go and do freely. Sometimes I feel held here, not by my own desires to be here, but because I worry about what would happen if I left. (I don't think that I'm the glue holding things together...I just want to be close enough in case I ever would be needed) To carry such little responsibility. He has no weight of obligation. He answers to himself only.

That is where I do not envy him. I can't imagine laying my head down at night and not answering for my life that day. To go to bed not wondering if I had done the day justice. What is the point of being able to go and do freely if the things you do are done in vain.

Not having anything to live for.
No One
to live for.

I want to go and see and do. But I want to do all those things with and for Him that called me and set me apart for His distinct purpose.

I can only imagine that anything else would simple be wandering.

How empty that must feel.

How lonely that must be.

I'll pray for Stephen a little bit harder today because I don't want him to be wander, or be empty, or be lonely.

Forces

I try to hard.

I try to make things happen. That should be a good thing, I think.
Big picture, I think it's a good thing.
Small picture, (like blog contents) I try to hard with.

I don't have a lot any insight to prominent issues.
I don't have cute sayings about life.
I don't have alliterative sermon points.
I don't think I've ever really had an original thought.

I'm okay with that though. I'm going to try to start blogging more for me. My own epiphanies, should I ever actually have any. More than anything else, I just want this to be a place where I can be real. Not try to come up with anything really spiritual to say. God shows me so much of Himself every day. I don't know why I think I have to put it into a blog. That's just me trying to be cool.

We'll see where this goes. I just want to be me.
I'm good at being me.
Being me isn't always good.
But I'm good at it, nonetheless.

And I'm working on making it better.

(Plus, the fact that no one reads this blog will help with my humility.)

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Long Time Gone

Okay. So its been a while since I've blogged. Lets see if I still remember how to do this.

I enjoy winter time. I absolutely hate being cold.

Contradiction? Not necessarily.

I love scarfs, gloves, coats, *insert whatever accessory that helps you stay warm and is also cute*.

Things that are so pertinent to keeping me warm, but that double as a fashion statement. What more could I ask for? So while I don't like the coldness of the winter season, I have cute accessories to keep me warm that I can't wear before November or after February. (unless you count the random snow days during spring break)

I was pulling out some scarfs and gloves to pack for my trip this weekend and I found a pair of gloves that I had completely forgot that I even owned. In that moment I thought to myself,

"How lucky am I that I can't even remember all the stuff that I have?"

Some people will go entire lifetimes owning fewer things that I forget that I have in one season. How often do I take for granted that I have a dozen pair of jeans to pick from? Or that I get to pick what shoes I'm going to put on when I go outside this morning.

I'm going to try to notice things that I take for granted. For example..

1. Multiple cereal choices

or

2. Having enough silverware for our whole family to eat at the same time. (you'd be surprised how many families don't have enough utensils to eat dinner together)

Just some small thoughts from my morning in the coat closet.

(3. we have a closet just for our coats.)

This week started off great. First day in the new community yesterday. It looks to be an awesome week. The churches in the community are wonderful and their pastors have been extremely helpful and active in what we're doing.

The doctor comes back to see me this evening before the team gets back, so I'm stuck at the Hostel today. I can't see the team from where I am today, but my heart and my prayers are with them. I'm trying not to throw myself a pity party. I just hate not being there.

A few random pictures:


The United States embassy. I think it might be bigger than some cities that we've been in.

The "Hanky Pank" game. Note to self: never start a game that you don't intend to play between 600 and 700 more times. I loved every minute of it though.

This is Estephanie. Yeah, we have the same name. She was really quiet, I don't remember ever hearing her make a noise during our time there. We were all sitting around playing when she decided to crawl up in my lap. It took me a while before I realized she was asleep because she was so quiet. I stole this picture from Niki's facebook.

"The Chair" skit. Levi comes in and gets stuck to the chair (aka:sin) and we all come in after him and get stuck too. If you'll notice the red piece of plastic beside us...that's one of the chair legs. We broke the chair 2 sinners into the skit. My knee is supporting the back right corner where the leg should be. We laughed pretty hard.

Me and one of this kids chillin after lunch. I think we were jammin to Matt Wertz.

On our trek through the jungle to get to where the churches garden will be. Long, long, long trek.



The church we were working with in Perulapia.


The beach where we were staying.

Me doing some reflecting.
(Wow. Does that sound like something mom would say or what?)

Hope yall've enjoyed the catch up. I know it kept me occupied. I think I might go out of my mind before this day is over.

Amazing weekend. They told us we were going to the beach house that is owned by the same people as the Hostal we're staying at. If you compare the pictures of the Hostal that are in the brocher to the actual place, it screams false advertising (not that I'm complaining. I had been preparing myself for this trip thinking I'd sleep on a dirt floor, but We have internet and indoor plumbimg..so no complaints here.) That being said, we were sure this "beach house" was going to be a little different than the pictures. But when we got here Friday night we were all amazed. "On the beach" actually meant "On the beach". The water is 6 steps from the back porch and the pool was cleaner than any condo I've stayed at. The inside was completely open so the sound of the waves was constant. I won't know what to think when we leave and I don't hear waves crashing anymore.

It was so nice to just chill and relax. Spent a good amount of time in the sun. Gunna have the most ridiculous tan line. One of the few things I'm excited to get back to the states for (beside the people and the sweet tea) is to even out these tan lines. The quiet time out here was amazing. I listened to alot of music, did alot of reading, alot of sleeping and alot of praying. I caught up on alot of my podcast. I had 22 podcast waiting to be listened to, so it was good to get that number down. We leave here after lunch to head back to Perulapia. We're doing service at the church that we worked with last week.

This next week is going to be insane. We went over the schedule for the week last night and its going to be PACKED! I think it's going to be a great way to end out our full weeks of ministry. If it doesn't kill us, that is. It's a good thing that we're going to be coming off such a relaxing weekend.

This past few days we've been in Perulapia. We've been working in the schools this with the teens and the youngins. There are a TON of kids here, but they're all very precious. Matt left on Monday, so we have Bethany and Clair with us now. They have been an amazing addition to the team. (And they BOTH of them speak spanish, which is extremely helpful to have two more translators!) I'm starting to pick up on some spanish. Every once in a while I'll be in a conversation and actually catch a few words. Normally I can't put those words together to make sense, but its still cool.

A few of us played soccer with the kids today. It was awesome. I may not be able have entire conversations this the teens here, but being able to play soccer with them definitely help build a relationship that I wouldn't have been able to otherwise. We talked about HIV/AIDS to the teens today. It was a really heavy subject, but one that HAD to be addressed here. As sad as it is, they say HIV/AIDS is very very prevalent in this part of El Salvador. And the teens were really receptive during this presentation, which was surprising when considering the attention span of these 100 teenagers.

I got my first little taste of homesickness yesterday. Just remembered alot of stuff from the states that I miss. Like showers that aren't freezing and being able to make phone calls whenever I want to. I'm gunna make it though.

It's been an awesome week! Had our last day in El Sartin. We helped make Papusas and finished out our week there. Today was a much needed off day! We slept in which was a blessing in itself! We ate lunch with a girl that Matt's grandparents support through Latin American Child Care. It was really cool! We ate with her, her mother and little brother. To avoid all the details, she lost her father less than a year ago and her family is in a very sad situation. Her story broke my heart. Unfortunately, her story isn't uncommon here.

On the way back to Hostal la Portada, where we're staying, we stopped by some mayan ruins. It was cool. Very ancient. It was nice to have a day off. My turn to do devo. Spoke from John 21. Talked about Simon Peter jumpin out the boat. I love passionate people.

Papusas

My princess

Ancient Mayan ruins

We're about to head out for our last day in El Sartin. I've gotten attached here a lot faster than I thought I would.
The school we were at. They were out of school because of the swine flu most days this week, but we did get to work a few days with them there.

Kayla is going to kill be by the end of this trip.

Us helping get the corn ready for tamales.

The end of THE LONGEST DAY OF MY LIFE!! Soooooooooo tired, but it was a great day.

Back in San Salvador.

Such awesome stuff has been happening. When we first got to El Sartin the adults were skeptical of us being here. But by the end of the day yesterday most all the adults were very receptive to us being in the community. You can see it in their faces and the way they speak to us (even though I don't understand a majority of what they're saying). I'm excited to get this day started.

Mucha humildad

Such an amazing day. Everyday I'm here life seems to find a new way to humble me.

I've completely given up on make up while I'm in El Salvador. Its just pointless. I was complaining to the other girls this morning about how much I hate not looking good and then I remembered the niños in El Sartin we've been working with. They can't afford toothbrushes and toothpaste, but I'll complain that my mascara runs from the heat.

(Thanks, God. Heard ya!)

This morning when we got to El Sartin, the community we've been working in this week, they were already crowded around the building. We talked yesterday about how God cared about our physical health so today we had a bag for each youngin' that had a toothbrush, toothpaste and soap in it.


This is me and some of this kids with their new toothbrushes! And they don't even care that I'm not wearing make up!

This is one of my favorite picture from my trip so far. This is Gabriel. He's my buddy and practically attached to my hip the entire time we're in El Sartin.

(While I was typing this blog the nicest El Salvadorian man, that works here at Hostal de Pordada, brought me what is, without a doubt, the best cup of coffee I've had in my entire life. I'll never drink Starbucks again and be truly satisfied.)

Donde es mi chinchillia?

So many things have happened. Its hard to even begin to explain.

My computer finally started working. Thank goodness for Matt Wilkie and his seemingly infinite knowledge on all things El Salvadorian! He figured out how to make my computer work with the wi fi here!

I'll start updating more now that I back to having the internet. But for tonight...just a few things I've learned in the past few weeks.

• Nothing is more humbling than being in places you know nothing about, with people you know nothing about, who speak a language you know nothing about.
• I love Hartsfield- Jackson.
• I'm not nearly as funny as I think I am. Everyone here is hilarious.
  
• I would kill for an AJC most days.
• Tape worm is one of the most disgusting things that could happen to people.
• Bottled water is awesome.
• I LOVE Convoy de Esperanza and anyone related to it. Everyone at COH is astounding.
• Life has a funny way of throwing you things that you don't expect...when you least expect it.
• I have a lot to learn.

Taking Care of Business

Day 1 and 2 recap. 

Day 1- 

Got up early for pancakes and bacon. Aka: the pan-less morning. I was so glad to have spent time with my [camp]family, but exhausted from so many late nights. I had to say goodbye to the campgrounds and to the "all-summer every-summer for the past 6 yrs" experience that I am so familiar with and love. I said goodbye to my friends and to my biggest cheerleaders (Eric & Paige). The summer will be strange not being there, but I am excited to see how this experience changes my view of myself and the world. But I must say, I will miss Neverland. 

I fell in and out of sleep while Stacie asked me questions on the way to the airport. Mom and Stacie walked me around for a while until we got to security. Leaving the two most beautiful and influential women in my life was a strange and scary experience, but at the same time very empowering. 

I go on the plane and sat next to a guy that looked like he was going to throw up before we even left the ground (needless to say...not very comforting) but sleep overcame me 5 minutes after take off and I slept until they announced we were landing. The Springfield airport is much less intimidating than Hartsfeild-Jackson, so I was pleasantly surprised. 

We met up with the other girls and went to Convoy of Hopes office/distribution center.  We spent the rest of the day touring and meeting people. The night ended with all of us at the intern house discussing rules and regulations of the house/COH and sharing the dream for the weeks ahead. The intern house is amazing. We are living it up. There is so much food here. They have muscle milk and whey protein shake mix (stuff I can't afford to buy at home), crunchy peanut butter, and all the pineapple I could ever ask for! It was a long day, but SO amazing. Needless to say, I slept very well last night. Hopefully my snoring didn't wake the other girls.

Day 2-

We got to COH and had some personal devo time. Afterwards we met up with Matt and Shannon to tour the facility and meet everyone around the office (who are amazing by the way.) The entire office has such a positive energy about it! Afterwards we spent the afternoon going over plans for the next few weeks, discussing what we'll be doing in which cities and what's expected of us. We discussed what it means to have God's heart for the world.k

We talked about committing ourselves to His purpose. Letting him use us to show His righteousness, justice, love, compassion and faithfulness. Matt used a quote from John Pieper that says: "Missions is not the ultimate goal of the church, worship is. Missions exists where worship doesn't." Powerful stuff. We broke from there and had a little free time. Made a walmart run, then headed to Matt's house for AWESOME enchiladas (kudos Mrs. Wilkie) and an intense game of spoons (or, for all intensive purposes, "chopsticks"). We came back to the house and watched you tube videos to end the night.  

So far, this experience has well exceeded my expectations. I expected to be excited to be here, but nothing like I am experiencing now. I have such an amazing peace right now. It's really indescribable. As we sat around the table today in the training room I felt so at home. I felt like I was made to do this. I can't describe how natural it feel to be apart of this experience. Its truly astounding. 

I'm excited for the days to come, but even more excited for the next few hours of sleep. I look forward to these next few weeks. They will be some of the most life changing days I have ever experienced.

I Won't Back Down

I love me some Tom Petty right now. "I Won't Back Down" has made its way to top my of "recently played" playlist on my ipod. What a great song. It's so solid. Good rhythm, simple lyrics, solid beat. Its just a really great song. Petty wrote the song in 1988 [though not released till '89]. I like to think that ol' Tom could feel something crazy about to be birthed into this world, so he wrote this song as an intro for my life.

In all seriousness, I love this song. How can you listen to:

Well I know whats right, I got just one life
In a world that keeps on pushin' me around
But Ill stand my ground and I wont back down

and not get just a little pumped up. Cause isn't that what we all want? Something to fight for. Something that we can be passionate about. Whether or not we want to admit it...no matter how laid back and mellow we want everyone to think we are...

We're all looking for that variable in life that we could stand up at gates of hell for and we wouldn't back down.

Something that so captivates us that we can't contemplate taking that easy way out.

We want something to fight for. We desire passion. I've been finding out recently that I desire to be so passionate about something that it totally and completely absorbs every part of me. I want a passion that makes me fearless.

[A lot of times we mistake the concern for the way our passions are carried out for fear.There's a difference between concern and fear...but that's a different blog for a different day]

Back For Another Round.

Wow. It has been too long since my last real blog. I realize now how much I miss it. Blogging is therapeutic in a way for me. I guess I feel like I'm getting out everything that I've been needing to say. And I can write for as long as I want...cause it's my blog...and I can do what I want to with it. If you think my blog is too long...or too boring...or to menial...then you can go away...no feelings hurt. The search bar is up at the top just waiting to help redirect you to another location...

Life has been a little crazy the past few weeks or so. Between school, work, church, picking up my brother and dealing with other people problem... I've been going nonstop. I've made myself sick from lack of sleep and pretty much run my entire body down.

But I wish I could say that I hadn't done it to myself.

I've been keeping myself busy. I've been lost and scared and confused. The worst part is that I've been taking the easy way out. I hate that. I hate that in my moment of fear I let myself do the cowardly thing of keeping myself so busy that I haven't had time to deal with my own emotions. I never thought I'd let myself be that person.

Wow...this is a really horrible blog to come back on, huh? Man..you really should have redirected when you had a chance.

I'm focusing on Marketing, Economics and Finance for the next 48 hours. After that I'm starting to deal with this stuff.

Pretty In Pink

I'm doing a test embedment for my Flamingo flocking fundraiser!!


View Larger Map

Let's see what this baby can do.

Misery Business

I love to watch people. People doing stupid things on YouTube, to the crazies in line at walmart, to people who walking around campus, etc.

People never stop amazing me.

What I find very interesting is which of these things people put their time into. People put alot of time and effort into different activities, events, sports, hobbies, etc. What I find even more interesting is why people are surprised when they don't feel fulfilled in those things. People think that we were just put on earth to hang out and wonder around until we find something that makes us feel good.

But what amazes me even more is the number of people who do it anyway? Why, when people realize that these things aren't working, do people keep on doing it? It doesn't make any sense. [But neither does making video's of Redneck Ninjas]

The way the human brain works is amazing. How little emphasis we put on life and how content people are just to get through life unscathed. People, people, people....