You know that feeling you get when you all of a sudden realize something about yourself that totally turns you off. At once you're aware of a trait that you exhibit that makes you want to burn everything you've ever touch because it's been in contact with your awfulness?
I had a realization yesterday... I talk about myself a lot. I hate that! If I had to play back the conversations that I've had with the people over the past week I might cut my tongue out my head. That's right..OUT-MY-HEAD. (cause i'm ghetto like dat)
ew. I know that I feed off of peoples affirmation. I know that I feed off of peoples praise and encouragement. But if I'm doing what I need to be doing, people won't need help to find reasons to tell me I'm doing a good job. They don't need me constantly saying, "I did this" or "I did that".
I'm making it a point to not talk so much in general. I wanna improve my listening skills all around. I wanna be good at just being ears for people to talk to. I don't need to always have a story to go along with each conversation. Not a extremely optimistic way to start off the weekend, but I get to see some of my best friends this weekend so its all good!
Friday, January 16, 2009
Monday, January 12, 2009
Just Another Manic Monday
Crazy, crazy day. Work was insane....so I felt completely at home. I love to be busy at work. I really enjoy having a lot to do.
I saw the most shocking thing today. It all happened when a student was signing in at the front desk to speak with an academic adviser. There's a box where the student will fill in what time they arrived in the office. As this particular student started to fill in that box, he looked down at his watch which I took notice of because very few students wear watches. He looked at his watch for moment after which he began to fiddle around in his pocket. I thought to myself.."no. no. surely not. he couldn't. no."......
But I was wrong. Yes. Yes. It surely was. and he did. yes, he pulled out his phone. Looked at the time and filled in the box for his "arrival time". I really want to give him the benefit of the doubt and say that his watch was fast or the battery was dead. I assume that by the time you get to college you can tell time (even with the roman numerals) but, contrary to popular belief, I've been wrong before and who's to say he didn't know that the big hand points to the minutes.
Either way, it made for an interesting moment. This has no spiritual significance or any moral take away. Unless you count "don't waste the brain God gave you" . Either way....I'm going to change the clock settings on my phone to analog.
I saw the most shocking thing today. It all happened when a student was signing in at the front desk to speak with an academic adviser. There's a box where the student will fill in what time they arrived in the office. As this particular student started to fill in that box, he looked down at his watch which I took notice of because very few students wear watches. He looked at his watch for moment after which he began to fiddle around in his pocket. I thought to myself.."no. no. surely not. he couldn't. no."......
But I was wrong. Yes. Yes. It surely was. and he did. yes, he pulled out his phone. Looked at the time and filled in the box for his "arrival time". I really want to give him the benefit of the doubt and say that his watch was fast or the battery was dead. I assume that by the time you get to college you can tell time (even with the roman numerals) but, contrary to popular belief, I've been wrong before and who's to say he didn't know that the big hand points to the minutes.
Either way, it made for an interesting moment. This has no spiritual significance or any moral take away. Unless you count "don't waste the brain God gave you" . Either way....I'm going to change the clock settings on my phone to analog.
Friday, January 2, 2009
Happy 2009!!
I sit here in the kitchen with my left over cinnamon roll and glass of sweet tea (because I didn't set a weight goal for 2009) with the two most important women in my life. My mom and Stacie. They've gotten me through alot. Mom with her infinite knowledge on any subject and answers to any questions i might have....and Stacie with her passion for whatever the emergency of the day is and her ability to be the defender of our family. She has wanted to kill many people over the past year in defense of our family members. The three of us have laughed ALOT this past year. I don't know where I'd be without them.
The last of this year has been overshadowed with alot of hurt and sadness, which stink because some amazing things happened in 2008.
- I became more involved at Momentum and have enjoyed seeing what God is doing in the lives of Momentum goers and the community. I've started working with Jumpstart (kids ministries). I've enjoyed working with Brantley and Hannah...and the kids have blown my mind.
- Camp Timberlake 2008. All Star Summer. I couldn't ask for more. A chapter of my life closed on August 1, 2008 that I never wanted to see end. But now a way is paved for a new group of kids to share in the experience. They will make memories that will alter the way they see friendships, fun and the world. They will experience love, laughter and work that cannot be paralleled. I am sad that my time has ended, but excited for the new generation. Long live Camp Paradise. They can put walls around the tabernacle, but they can't put walls around our hearts.
- I started experiencing home in different places. Betsie knows her way to Stockbridge now. I'm starting to grow fond of the signs for the i-675 split. More love has been sown into me over the past few months than i could have ever imagined. A love that is unconditional and that I can't being to repay.
- Started a new line of work. Kennesaw State Department of Undergraduate Business Programs. Woot Woot. It's been a great experience. The people there have been great to me. Some days it's pretty crazy, but others it barely feels like work. I've started making connections that aren't just helping me build my resume but helping build relationships and learning from the best in the business.
- I started pursuing my calling. I'm excited to be getting involved with some different ministries and seeing how missions work. I'm excited to be part of something bigger than just me. Something that's going to change people and the world. I'm setting up plans that require God and goals that are destined for fail if I don't keep Him as my number one.
- I got my heart broken. I watched people I love choose to make bad decisions, put themselves in bad situations, move to different states and get tattoos that they will regret someday. I saw them push their limits and drove them home listening to them break, confessing that there must "be something more" and that they "want more than this lifestyle". I got my heart broken again when I watched them slide back into the choices they've admitted they regret. But I've been there, done all I can do for them, prayed all I can pray for them and I'm excited for the day that they will come home. (I pray they will also be beardless on that day.)
- I hit 100,000 miles. An accomplishment in itself. Congrats, Betsie. I wish you many many many many more. Please.
- I saw my mom smile alot. I've seen her back in her element...working with kids and being involved with Momentum. Seeing her read 12 books at a time, following 17 peoples podcast and 87 people on twitter. She's become an even bigger inspiration to me than I thought possible. She has spoken into my relationships and showed me how to set up my ipod. I hope to be more like her in 2009 and will kill anyone who prohibits her happiness this next year. Stacie/Eric...keep your eyes on the sky. Lets keep the idiots in line.
- I lost my best friend. I put all I had into my relationship and found out that sometimes things just stink. I'm focusing on my other relationships and on Gods call for my life in 2009. I haven't burnt that bridge. We'll see if paths cross again. I can't say that I would mind if they did. But for now I'm finding out what I need from myself and from the person that I commit my life to.
I started 2009 with a tear. For the one who wasn't there and for the ones who were. For the opportunities that I will have a chance to be a part of and for the opportunities that were lost. For the individuals who have got me here and the ones that I will continue on with. 2008 came and went too fast. I've loved beyond what I thought possible. Been apart of alot of rumors and drama that I look back on now and laugh. I can't say I have any regrets. I can say that I have alot of hope. Stephanie 2.0 will be stepping it up in 2009. I'm excited to be with ya'll on this journey.
The last of this year has been overshadowed with alot of hurt and sadness, which stink because some amazing things happened in 2008.
- I became more involved at Momentum and have enjoyed seeing what God is doing in the lives of Momentum goers and the community. I've started working with Jumpstart (kids ministries). I've enjoyed working with Brantley and Hannah...and the kids have blown my mind.
- Camp Timberlake 2008. All Star Summer. I couldn't ask for more. A chapter of my life closed on August 1, 2008 that I never wanted to see end. But now a way is paved for a new group of kids to share in the experience. They will make memories that will alter the way they see friendships, fun and the world. They will experience love, laughter and work that cannot be paralleled. I am sad that my time has ended, but excited for the new generation. Long live Camp Paradise. They can put walls around the tabernacle, but they can't put walls around our hearts.
- I started experiencing home in different places. Betsie knows her way to Stockbridge now. I'm starting to grow fond of the signs for the i-675 split. More love has been sown into me over the past few months than i could have ever imagined. A love that is unconditional and that I can't being to repay.
- Started a new line of work. Kennesaw State Department of Undergraduate Business Programs. Woot Woot. It's been a great experience. The people there have been great to me. Some days it's pretty crazy, but others it barely feels like work. I've started making connections that aren't just helping me build my resume but helping build relationships and learning from the best in the business.
- I started pursuing my calling. I'm excited to be getting involved with some different ministries and seeing how missions work. I'm excited to be part of something bigger than just me. Something that's going to change people and the world. I'm setting up plans that require God and goals that are destined for fail if I don't keep Him as my number one.
- I got my heart broken. I watched people I love choose to make bad decisions, put themselves in bad situations, move to different states and get tattoos that they will regret someday. I saw them push their limits and drove them home listening to them break, confessing that there must "be something more" and that they "want more than this lifestyle". I got my heart broken again when I watched them slide back into the choices they've admitted they regret. But I've been there, done all I can do for them, prayed all I can pray for them and I'm excited for the day that they will come home. (I pray they will also be beardless on that day.)
- I hit 100,000 miles. An accomplishment in itself. Congrats, Betsie. I wish you many many many many more. Please.
- I saw my mom smile alot. I've seen her back in her element...working with kids and being involved with Momentum. Seeing her read 12 books at a time, following 17 peoples podcast and 87 people on twitter. She's become an even bigger inspiration to me than I thought possible. She has spoken into my relationships and showed me how to set up my ipod. I hope to be more like her in 2009 and will kill anyone who prohibits her happiness this next year. Stacie/Eric...keep your eyes on the sky. Lets keep the idiots in line.
- I lost my best friend. I put all I had into my relationship and found out that sometimes things just stink. I'm focusing on my other relationships and on Gods call for my life in 2009. I haven't burnt that bridge. We'll see if paths cross again. I can't say that I would mind if they did. But for now I'm finding out what I need from myself and from the person that I commit my life to.
I started 2009 with a tear. For the one who wasn't there and for the ones who were. For the opportunities that I will have a chance to be a part of and for the opportunities that were lost. For the individuals who have got me here and the ones that I will continue on with. 2008 came and went too fast. I've loved beyond what I thought possible. Been apart of alot of rumors and drama that I look back on now and laugh. I can't say I have any regrets. I can say that I have alot of hope. Stephanie 2.0 will be stepping it up in 2009. I'm excited to be with ya'll on this journey.
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