1, 2, 3, 4.

Today I'm letting go of everything thing I've been holding onto.
(holding me back)

I am excited to see where God takes me
unsure of where to start
confident that He will get me there
and more than anything

scared out of my mind

scared to fail at being
good enough
strong enough
smart enough
graceful
faithful
adequate
and/or
effective

Ineffective...ew. The thought makes me sick at my stomach. sick at my heart.
The idea of just being another number.
1, 2, 3...there goes Stephanie...5, 6, 7..blah.


I want to be the one who's motivated by what scares me.
that my fear of complacency drives me.
to be stronger.
To be everything that I need to be
To be who people need me to be
who He made me to be

I Was Made For War

I AM A PART of the Fellowship of the Unashamed.

The die has been cast. The decision has been made. I have stepped over the line. I won’t look back, let up, slow down, back away or be still.

My past is redeemed, my present makes sense, and my future is in God’s hands. I am
finished and done with low living, sight walking, small planning, the bare minimum, smooth
knees, colorless dreams, tamed visions, mundane talking, frivolous living, selfish giving, and
dwarfed goals.

I no longer need preeminence, prosperity, position, promotions, applause, or popularity. I
don’t have to be right, first, the best, recognized, praised, regarded, or rewarded. I now live
by faith. I lean on Christ’s presence. I love with patience, live by prayer, and labor with the
power of God’s grace.

My face is set. My gait is fast, my goal is heaven. My road is narrow, my way is rough, my
companions are few, my Guide is reliable, and my mission is clear.

I cannot be bought, compromised, detoured, lured away, turned back, deluded, or delayed. I
will not flinch in the face of sacrifice, hesitate in the presence of adversity, negotiate at the
table of the enemy, ponder at the pool of popularity, or meander in the maze of mediocrity.
I won’t give up, shut up, let up or slow up until I have stayed up, stored up, prayed up, paid
up, and spoken up for the cause of Christ.

I am a disciple of Jesus. I must go till He comes, give until I drop, speak out until all know,
and work until He stops me.

And when He returns for His own, He will have no difficulty recognizing me. My banner is
clear: I am a part of the Fellowship of the Unashamed.

Infiltrate-Worth Dying For

Goodbye, Ruby Tuesday

Its freezing.

Weather channel says 38°.
I say close enough.

As much as I complain about the cold, there are a few things I enjoy.

• It means the holidays are coming (and the parties they bring with them)
• The Salvation Army people at the mall
• Scarfs
• The smell of pine trees
• Candy canes
• A Santa outfit for Jack
• Harry Connick Jr. christmas album
• Smittens *Stacie*
• The tingling feeling you get in your nose when the feeling finally comes back after being outside too long
• How smells seem to last longer. Especially if they get stuck in your clothes
• Christmas lights
• The way the windshield fogs at the bottom when you leave the defrost on too long.
• Movie nights by the fireplace
• Kids selling hot chocolate outside Wal-Mart

Monday, Monday. So good to me.

Happy Birthday to Mi Madre!!

I love my mom more than anything in this world! She has taught me so much. I'll never be able to tell her or anyone else how awesome she really is. I am so lucky that God has put me in her care. I hate to think of how I might have turned out without her to guide me. I know I say it alot, but it's still as true as ever, she is everything I hope/pray to be one day.

I was recalling a phrase that I use to hear ALOT growing up. While arguing, complaining, tattling. whining, etc. I would use the phrase, "I'm just saying....". Most of the time I wouldn't get the entire phrase out of my mouth before my mom said, "Well don't 'just say'".

Now I don't know if mom meant for me to comprehend that phrase to mean more than just 'stop whining', but as I've grown I've started to realize how important it is to not 'just say'. I say alot of things. I can say, "Happy Birthday, Mom", but if I don't do anything special for her today, how will she know how much I really mean that? I can say to someone, "Hey, God loves you.", but if I am never the embodiment of Christ's love, how much substance do my words hold? They may accept it, but how much more will it mean if it's evident in my actions?

I can say, "I love God", I can say, "I want to do missions work". I can say, "I want to change the world", but if I don't get out there and DO something, what I SAY counts for nothing.

Thanks for teaching me so much, Mom! I hope you've had a good birthday. You deserve it!! I hope you've read all day and drank all the coffee that you could!! I love you!

Friday Morning Maddness

Slept on the couch. -1
GG sets alarm off at 5:30. -3
Put shirt on backwards. -1
Gas at Chevron 1.93. +5
People driving 45mph on the highway. -1
Forgot foundation. -4
Moby in the morning. +3
Found out Stephen shaved. +6
Work. -1
Online shopping at work. +1
______________________
Friday Morning Total = +4

Should be a good day :)

I am Simon and I am Garfunkel

I am starting a list

I am confused

I am loud

I am protective

I am a worker

I am happy

I am a sister

I am a daughter

I am a granddaughter

I am a fiance

I am a student

I am a rock

I am an island

I am a bad driver

I am an office freak

I am a good friend

I am my mother :)

I am a closet romantic

I am called

I am a bad judge of character

I am loved

I am my brothers keeper

I am realizing and appreciating who I am

My thoughts between prerequisite overrides.

I'm not good with big words. though I can spell antidisestablishmentarianism without looking at the dictionary. [thanks Mrs Whitaker.] Other than that, I don't think my diction is anything to write home about. But it got me ta thinkin': Do the words that I choose help or hinder me? Does the way that I present my ideas and belief influence other peoples views about what I say?

Decision: I think it does. I don't think we should go around talking like uneducated people because that's not a good representation of who Christ is, but a lot of times we can get caught up in making things sound good.

All in all: I think we'd get a whole lot more done as Christians if we started caring less about how good what we're saying sounds and start caring more about the truth. Yeah, people might respect what you have to say if you use big words, but is our pretty lingo getting in the way of what God has to say to people? Are we too worried about making Christianity sound appealing that we don't fear God? hmmmmm.....

My opinion: I think we'd get a whole lost more done if we started preaching more from our bibles and less from our dictionaries

But that's just me...

I wanna numba 3. supa size. onion rangs...

With so many crazy things going on, it's nice to actually just sit in the quiet for a second. I don't normally like the quiet. I'd much rather be running around. Loud sounds. Lots of voices. Constant interaction. I really enjoy being around people and being in the middle of things.

Maybe it's the middle child syndrome. Always gotta be in the middle.
(except on long plane rides and outdoor concerts)

In light of all the drama and excitement that has seemed to envelop my life the past few day, I am happy. Very emotional. Lots of sadness, laughter, encouragement, pain, happiness, weariness, joy, surrender (and i wonder why I'm enjoying being alone for a little bit...). So many things taking place right now...but I've decided that I'm about to step it up a notch. Things in my life are about to go to a new level. I'm been doing to many things half heartedly. So, if you are involved in any of these areas of my life, feel free to question me and smack me upside the head if I'm slacking.

• Classes- My studies are about to get alot more intense. I've been just getting by, I'm about to blow them out of the water these last few weeks!
• Work-I always work pretty hard, but want to be more aware of how a treat people. I want to smile more when I help students. Cause I really am having a good time.
• Church-
• Momentum Students-I want to rev up the activities. I've been doing the activities for a while, but I want to take that to a new level as well. More heart into it...not just what the kids might enjoy with the least effort from me. I want them to have a good time with God and each other
• Jumpstart-I've started doing worship on Sunday mornings which I LOVE!! I've been working on finding some new stuff, but I want to put even more effort into it. I don't want it to ever become a last-minute-saturday-night thing!!

• My Work Out- I want to start working out more consistently. I'm a bad about being a one-week-on, one-week-off type of gal. I watch how nutritional my diet is, but i want to be more consistent with that too. Got to keep my temple presentable!
  (ha ha...rhymes.)
  
• My Peeps-I want to start embracing my relationships more. I have some awesome people in my life and I want to spend more quality time with all of them. I want them to know that I care about them and that I am here for them 100% of the time. Winter, spring, summer or fall. All they need to do is call. I want them to know that without a doubt

Also, I'm working on being more like my mom. She is the person I look up to most. You know how when you're a kid and you want to be like your mom (or dad) because you think they're the best thing in the whole world? Well....I still feel that way, cause she's the best thing in the whole world. So pray that while I'm living each day to be more like Christ that I become more like my mom too. I need to be a whole lot more like both of them!

This is all just a heads up cause Stephanie 2.0 is being installed.