Oh, Brother.

I really do Love having my brother home.

I enjoy his companionship. I miss him when he's gone. And even though I'm happy for him to be in other places living and experiencing, it difficult not being there to take care of him. To make sure he doesn't do anything dangerous or getting himself hurt.

Stephen likes to talk to me about going places with him. He told me he thinks we should go town to town, only staying places for months at a time, and (essentially) setting up programs within communities where people can get involved and volunteer in making their city a better place.

How either of us are qualified for that, I do not know.

As he'll tells me about going place, seeing things, living the nomadic life, I'm always torn. I enjoy seeing new place, meeting new people, learning new things, experiencing life in ways that can only be experienced at that one place in that one moment.

I envy him at times for being able to go and do freely. Sometimes I feel held here, not by my own desires to be here, but because I worry about what would happen if I left. (I don't think that I'm the glue holding things together...I just want to be close enough in case I ever would be needed) To carry such little responsibility. He has no weight of obligation. He answers to himself only.

That is where I do not envy him. I can't imagine laying my head down at night and not answering for my life that day. To go to bed not wondering if I had done the day justice. What is the point of being able to go and do freely if the things you do are done in vain.

Not having anything to live for.
No One
to live for.

I want to go and see and do. But I want to do all those things with and for Him that called me and set me apart for His distinct purpose.

I can only imagine that anything else would simple be wandering.

How empty that must feel.

How lonely that must be.

I'll pray for Stephen a little bit harder today because I don't want him to be wander, or be empty, or be lonely.