Sooooo glad its friday. Can't wait for this weekend to get rolling. Its gunna be good times. I need some good friend hang out time. Last weekend with the Gordons/Ciraky's has got me craving more quality time with solid people.
very very excited for this weekend!
Friday, October 24, 2008
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Grrrr......
You know what really grinds my gears? burns my bagel? ticks me off?
Injustice.
Injustice is the rock in my shoe. The shampoo in my eye. The telemarketer that calls during my dinner.
Injustice angers me. The idea that people are being treated wrong at no fault of their own. The idea that "bad things happen to good people". The idea that individuals are treated badly because they are outnumbered or held down by someone bigger. How thousands of people starve to death not because they spend their grocery money on lotto tickets, but because of where they were born!? How 4 children die from child abuse everyday in America alone?! A lot of times I feel like if I could just have my way in peoples situations everything would be better. I don't understand how God tolerates injustice.
But I also don't understand the idea of real justice. I'm stuck in a body that is ready to battle for justice on the behalf of some and injustice others. I want food for the innocent who are starving(justice) and grace given to my family member who live blatantly against Gods commandments(injustice). I want justice for those who have harmed others, but if I ever saw the guys who beat up my brother, I don't know what I would do. (I like to say that I told them that I forgive them and that Christ loves them. But, if I was able, I might beat them half to death to see how they liked it. )
I want justice when it helps others and injustice when its convenient for me. How backwards is that? I want grace and mercy when I fail, but I'm ready to bust a cap into 4 kids who got drunk and beat a guy up. I'll never be able to get it right, but we'll answer to God eventually. I am really trying to hold onto that right now.
Injustice.
Injustice is the rock in my shoe. The shampoo in my eye. The telemarketer that calls during my dinner.
Injustice angers me. The idea that people are being treated wrong at no fault of their own. The idea that "bad things happen to good people". The idea that individuals are treated badly because they are outnumbered or held down by someone bigger. How thousands of people starve to death not because they spend their grocery money on lotto tickets, but because of where they were born!? How 4 children die from child abuse everyday in America alone?! A lot of times I feel like if I could just have my way in peoples situations everything would be better. I don't understand how God tolerates injustice.
But I also don't understand the idea of real justice. I'm stuck in a body that is ready to battle for justice on the behalf of some and injustice others. I want food for the innocent who are starving(justice) and grace given to my family member who live blatantly against Gods commandments(injustice). I want justice for those who have harmed others, but if I ever saw the guys who beat up my brother, I don't know what I would do. (I like to say that I told them that I forgive them and that Christ loves them. But, if I was able, I might beat them half to death to see how they liked it. )
I want justice when it helps others and injustice when its convenient for me. How backwards is that? I want grace and mercy when I fail, but I'm ready to bust a cap into 4 kids who got drunk and beat a guy up. I'll never be able to get it right, but we'll answer to God eventually. I am really trying to hold onto that right now.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Hi. My name's Stephanie and I'm a Jehovaholic.
I realized this morning that I never explained the reason for my blogging title. All of my blogging buddies seem to have explained their decided names in their first blog, but I did not. What can I say, I'm a rebel...
(rebelling to remember)
The title from my blog stemmed from two thoughts. Cause everything's better in a numbered list.
1. I desire addiction. I want to love/care/be intriged by/go deeper in/be captivated by/crave something. I want something to so consume my life that it can't help but radiate from me. I know that seems reverse to the negative connotation that we normally apply to "addictions". Drugs, alcohol, sex....these are what we think of as "addictions". But I don't want my addiction to be something I'm ashamed of. I want to want it. I need to need it. I want to be dependent on it. I desire to be addicted to the One worthy of my dependence.
2. I want to portray something that others desire. I want others to see a fulfillment in my addiction when their addictions fail them. Unlike most addictions that bind and enslave, I want them to see how addictive my passion is and yet, so freeing. I want a passion for Christ to be their desired addiction.
So yeah, that's how I got here. Plus, I couldn't think of anything as cool as Stacie's....
She's a wanderer, she wanders around and around and around and around...
(rebelling to remember)
The title from my blog stemmed from two thoughts. Cause everything's better in a numbered list.
1. I desire addiction. I want to love/care/be intriged by/go deeper in/be captivated by/crave something. I want something to so consume my life that it can't help but radiate from me. I know that seems reverse to the negative connotation that we normally apply to "addictions". Drugs, alcohol, sex....these are what we think of as "addictions". But I don't want my addiction to be something I'm ashamed of. I want to want it. I need to need it. I want to be dependent on it. I desire to be addicted to the One worthy of my dependence.
2. I want to portray something that others desire. I want others to see a fulfillment in my addiction when their addictions fail them. Unlike most addictions that bind and enslave, I want them to see how addictive my passion is and yet, so freeing. I want a passion for Christ to be their desired addiction.
So yeah, that's how I got here. Plus, I couldn't think of anything as cool as Stacie's....
She's a wanderer, she wanders around and around and around and around...
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Bad Days?
Bare with me while I try to be deep for a second. Going into Socrates mode: Envy is the ulcer of the soul.
(as is ECON and filing pointless paperwork.)
Speaking of filing. Did you know R, S and T are the letters most often picked in Wheel of Fortune AND the most common first letter of students last names. And I got them ALL. How does one acquire such luck?
(Back to my attempt at philosophy.)
Maybe we're all suppose to have bad days. We're suppose to have hard days so that we don't take for granted the good ones. So that we recognize what we have and will always be thankful for how great and wonderful and marvelous life is......
(Fail.)
Sometimes days just suck. Yeah we can try to draw all sorts of philosophical reasons for why we have bad days and what good can come from it. And sometimes times its true, but sometimes stuff just goes wrong. Things just don't go how we planned. I didn't have any life changing realizations about my sins and transgressions yesterday. My plans changed and it threw me off. My bad days are not always a result of God trying to smite me. Sometimes it's just because of my own bad planning and/or decisions. [ WHOA.....it could be MY fault? What a concept! I could get good at this philosophy thing.]
All in all, sometimes things happen in this life that just stink. Gods not always trying to smite us. He's got everything under His control, but lets try not to blame Him for the stock market crash, high gas prices, unexpected ECON exams and poor public schooling systems.
(My opinion...but what do I know?)
I know nothing except the fact of my ignorance.
-Socrates
(as is ECON and filing pointless paperwork.)
Speaking of filing. Did you know R, S and T are the letters most often picked in Wheel of Fortune AND the most common first letter of students last names. And I got them ALL. How does one acquire such luck?
(Back to my attempt at philosophy.)
Maybe we're all suppose to have bad days. We're suppose to have hard days so that we don't take for granted the good ones. So that we recognize what we have and will always be thankful for how great and wonderful and marvelous life is......
(Fail.)
Sometimes days just suck. Yeah we can try to draw all sorts of philosophical reasons for why we have bad days and what good can come from it. And sometimes times its true, but sometimes stuff just goes wrong. Things just don't go how we planned. I didn't have any life changing realizations about my sins and transgressions yesterday. My plans changed and it threw me off. My bad days are not always a result of God trying to smite me. Sometimes it's just because of my own bad planning and/or decisions. [ WHOA.....it could be MY fault? What a concept! I could get good at this philosophy thing.]
All in all, sometimes things happen in this life that just stink. Gods not always trying to smite us. He's got everything under His control, but lets try not to blame Him for the stock market crash, high gas prices, unexpected ECON exams and poor public schooling systems.
(My opinion...but what do I know?)
I know nothing except the fact of my ignorance.
-Socrates
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Family Ties
Had fun today with the [future] in-laws. And I was very proud that they made it through Atlanta without giving Chaz's mom a stroke. She's gets very nervous on roads over 4 lanes.
(Bless her heart)
They're such good people and already consider me part of the family. I know I joke about them alot, but I really couldn't ask for more. They'd do anything in the world for me, and I for them.
I've started to realize how many people I have in my life that I consider family.......though some times it feel like i'm part of the Adam's Family...a bunch of crazy people who are all especially weird in their own weird way.
ie. Stephen's crazy beard, Grandmother's need to give us everything she never had as a child while simultaneously hounded granddaddy about whatever the present issue is, Dad's bi polar, Chris "the giant" Ciraky..'nough said, Erics ability to fix anything if you can find him duct tape and/or ibuprofen, etc..............you get the idea....
I have more love and connection than some people will ever experience. It makes me kind of sad. I'm no one special, but I get the love so some many amazing people, while there are people out there who have never experienced true love from another person. So I've made it my personal mission to [from now on] be a people lover. For the people that have no one else, I want to be there. For the one person who it may actually matter to, I want to be there when they have no one else to turn to. Cause I may not have all the answers to their problems, but I know the One who does and if they can see His love through me, it's worth it. It'd be worth trying to love alot of people who will never accept it. But for that person who needs it.....I'll be there.
(this started off as a really light blog, don't know who it emotionally escalated. should I insert a corny joke for our ascent?)
There are 2 cowboys in the kitchen. Which one is the real cowboy?
The one on the range.
(Bless her heart)
They're such good people and already consider me part of the family. I know I joke about them alot, but I really couldn't ask for more. They'd do anything in the world for me, and I for them.
I've started to realize how many people I have in my life that I consider family.......though some times it feel like i'm part of the Adam's Family...a bunch of crazy people who are all especially weird in their own weird way.
ie. Stephen's crazy beard, Grandmother's need to give us everything she never had as a child while simultaneously hounded granddaddy about whatever the present issue is, Dad's bi polar, Chris "the giant" Ciraky..'nough said, Erics ability to fix anything if you can find him duct tape and/or ibuprofen, etc..............you get the idea....
I have more love and connection than some people will ever experience. It makes me kind of sad. I'm no one special, but I get the love so some many amazing people, while there are people out there who have never experienced true love from another person. So I've made it my personal mission to [from now on] be a people lover. For the people that have no one else, I want to be there. For the one person who it may actually matter to, I want to be there when they have no one else to turn to. Cause I may not have all the answers to their problems, but I know the One who does and if they can see His love through me, it's worth it. It'd be worth trying to love alot of people who will never accept it. But for that person who needs it.....I'll be there.
(this started off as a really light blog, don't know who it emotionally escalated. should I insert a corny joke for our ascent?)
There are 2 cowboys in the kitchen. Which one is the real cowboy?
The one on the range.
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Homeless
Maybe some of us are called to be homeless. Called to have places we call home, but never feel comfortable in a single location. Lately I’ve been starting to feel like that is what God has started putting in my life.
I get comfortable and attached to people quickly, uneasy when I am out touch and out of reach of the people I love, but over the past 6 months I’ve begun to feel the need to be in different places. I don’t feel like I have a home. I have people who love me and places that I like to be, but not one place that I can sit down and say “I’m home”.
I’m starting to believe that God’s put that in me to keep me moving. To keep me from getting stagnant and content in my comfortable places… so that when I’m finally in the career that I want doing missions work, being so away from home will not be an issue like it has been in the past.
Maybe I’m not supposed to be happy in one place. Maybe I’m supposed to be happy in a lot of different places. I’m starting to find that where I assign the word home is depending less on a positional building and more on the individuals that I am with. For example: Anywhere my mom is, I am home. Being at home is more about the feeling I get by being with others, than the physical room I am in.
For God, I’d be glad to be homeless.
It does kind of suck some days though
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