Home By Saturday

Been a good weekend. Done with Accounting forever and I couldn't be happier. BISM class is over. It was my easy class of the semester. Signed up to take the same professor for BISM 3100 next semester. Atleast I'll have 1 easy class next semester.

Been hanging out with some really good friends this weekend. I helped put up the Christmas tree. Mom's probably not happy that it wasn't the one in her living room, but at least I helped someone though, right? Overall its been a really good weekend.

I've got a feeling everything gunna be alright

Eric said that it was okay for it to be about me right now. So I'm going to try.

I hurt.

That's all I've got. I'm not good at this yet.

I Wanna Talk About Me

I always wanna talk about me.

What's going on in my life. What I wanna do. Who I wanna be. The pain that I'm in. The decisions that I'm making. How great my day has been.

Today I'm trying to take the focus off of me and just be thankful for life.

There's so many people around the world who can't just live life.
Can't do what they want to do.
Be who they want to be.
Can't escape the pain they're in.
Have their decisions made for them
and are happy to just have lived through their day.

I have the freedom to do what I want to do and be who I want to be. So I have alot to be thankful for.

1, 2, 3, 4.

Today I'm letting go of everything thing I've been holding onto.
(holding me back)

I am excited to see where God takes me
unsure of where to start
confident that He will get me there
and more than anything

scared out of my mind

scared to fail at being
good enough
strong enough
smart enough
graceful
faithful
adequate
and/or
effective

Ineffective...ew. The thought makes me sick at my stomach. sick at my heart.
The idea of just being another number.
1, 2, 3...there goes Stephanie...5, 6, 7..blah.


I want to be the one who's motivated by what scares me.
that my fear of complacency drives me.
to be stronger.
To be everything that I need to be
To be who people need me to be
who He made me to be

I Was Made For War

I AM A PART of the Fellowship of the Unashamed.

The die has been cast. The decision has been made. I have stepped over the line. I won’t look back, let up, slow down, back away or be still.

My past is redeemed, my present makes sense, and my future is in God’s hands. I am
finished and done with low living, sight walking, small planning, the bare minimum, smooth
knees, colorless dreams, tamed visions, mundane talking, frivolous living, selfish giving, and
dwarfed goals.

I no longer need preeminence, prosperity, position, promotions, applause, or popularity. I
don’t have to be right, first, the best, recognized, praised, regarded, or rewarded. I now live
by faith. I lean on Christ’s presence. I love with patience, live by prayer, and labor with the
power of God’s grace.

My face is set. My gait is fast, my goal is heaven. My road is narrow, my way is rough, my
companions are few, my Guide is reliable, and my mission is clear.

I cannot be bought, compromised, detoured, lured away, turned back, deluded, or delayed. I
will not flinch in the face of sacrifice, hesitate in the presence of adversity, negotiate at the
table of the enemy, ponder at the pool of popularity, or meander in the maze of mediocrity.
I won’t give up, shut up, let up or slow up until I have stayed up, stored up, prayed up, paid
up, and spoken up for the cause of Christ.

I am a disciple of Jesus. I must go till He comes, give until I drop, speak out until all know,
and work until He stops me.

And when He returns for His own, He will have no difficulty recognizing me. My banner is
clear: I am a part of the Fellowship of the Unashamed.

Infiltrate-Worth Dying For

Goodbye, Ruby Tuesday

Its freezing.

Weather channel says 38°.
I say close enough.

As much as I complain about the cold, there are a few things I enjoy.

• It means the holidays are coming (and the parties they bring with them)
• The Salvation Army people at the mall
• Scarfs
• The smell of pine trees
• Candy canes
• A Santa outfit for Jack
• Harry Connick Jr. christmas album
• Smittens *Stacie*
• The tingling feeling you get in your nose when the feeling finally comes back after being outside too long
• How smells seem to last longer. Especially if they get stuck in your clothes
• Christmas lights
• The way the windshield fogs at the bottom when you leave the defrost on too long.
• Movie nights by the fireplace
• Kids selling hot chocolate outside Wal-Mart

Monday, Monday. So good to me.

Happy Birthday to Mi Madre!!

I love my mom more than anything in this world! She has taught me so much. I'll never be able to tell her or anyone else how awesome she really is. I am so lucky that God has put me in her care. I hate to think of how I might have turned out without her to guide me. I know I say it alot, but it's still as true as ever, she is everything I hope/pray to be one day.

I was recalling a phrase that I use to hear ALOT growing up. While arguing, complaining, tattling. whining, etc. I would use the phrase, "I'm just saying....". Most of the time I wouldn't get the entire phrase out of my mouth before my mom said, "Well don't 'just say'".

Now I don't know if mom meant for me to comprehend that phrase to mean more than just 'stop whining', but as I've grown I've started to realize how important it is to not 'just say'. I say alot of things. I can say, "Happy Birthday, Mom", but if I don't do anything special for her today, how will she know how much I really mean that? I can say to someone, "Hey, God loves you.", but if I am never the embodiment of Christ's love, how much substance do my words hold? They may accept it, but how much more will it mean if it's evident in my actions?

I can say, "I love God", I can say, "I want to do missions work". I can say, "I want to change the world", but if I don't get out there and DO something, what I SAY counts for nothing.

Thanks for teaching me so much, Mom! I hope you've had a good birthday. You deserve it!! I hope you've read all day and drank all the coffee that you could!! I love you!

Friday Morning Maddness

Slept on the couch. -1
GG sets alarm off at 5:30. -3
Put shirt on backwards. -1
Gas at Chevron 1.93. +5
People driving 45mph on the highway. -1
Forgot foundation. -4
Moby in the morning. +3
Found out Stephen shaved. +6
Work. -1
Online shopping at work. +1
______________________
Friday Morning Total = +4

Should be a good day :)

I am Simon and I am Garfunkel

I am starting a list

I am confused

I am loud

I am protective

I am a worker

I am happy

I am a sister

I am a daughter

I am a granddaughter

I am a fiance

I am a student

I am a rock

I am an island

I am a bad driver

I am an office freak

I am a good friend

I am my mother :)

I am a closet romantic

I am called

I am a bad judge of character

I am loved

I am my brothers keeper

I am realizing and appreciating who I am

My thoughts between prerequisite overrides.

I'm not good with big words. though I can spell antidisestablishmentarianism without looking at the dictionary. [thanks Mrs Whitaker.] Other than that, I don't think my diction is anything to write home about. But it got me ta thinkin': Do the words that I choose help or hinder me? Does the way that I present my ideas and belief influence other peoples views about what I say?

Decision: I think it does. I don't think we should go around talking like uneducated people because that's not a good representation of who Christ is, but a lot of times we can get caught up in making things sound good.

All in all: I think we'd get a whole lot more done as Christians if we started caring less about how good what we're saying sounds and start caring more about the truth. Yeah, people might respect what you have to say if you use big words, but is our pretty lingo getting in the way of what God has to say to people? Are we too worried about making Christianity sound appealing that we don't fear God? hmmmmm.....

My opinion: I think we'd get a whole lost more done if we started preaching more from our bibles and less from our dictionaries

But that's just me...

I wanna numba 3. supa size. onion rangs...

With so many crazy things going on, it's nice to actually just sit in the quiet for a second. I don't normally like the quiet. I'd much rather be running around. Loud sounds. Lots of voices. Constant interaction. I really enjoy being around people and being in the middle of things.

Maybe it's the middle child syndrome. Always gotta be in the middle.
(except on long plane rides and outdoor concerts)

In light of all the drama and excitement that has seemed to envelop my life the past few day, I am happy. Very emotional. Lots of sadness, laughter, encouragement, pain, happiness, weariness, joy, surrender (and i wonder why I'm enjoying being alone for a little bit...). So many things taking place right now...but I've decided that I'm about to step it up a notch. Things in my life are about to go to a new level. I'm been doing to many things half heartedly. So, if you are involved in any of these areas of my life, feel free to question me and smack me upside the head if I'm slacking.

• Classes- My studies are about to get alot more intense. I've been just getting by, I'm about to blow them out of the water these last few weeks!
• Work-I always work pretty hard, but want to be more aware of how a treat people. I want to smile more when I help students. Cause I really am having a good time.
• Church-
• Momentum Students-I want to rev up the activities. I've been doing the activities for a while, but I want to take that to a new level as well. More heart into it...not just what the kids might enjoy with the least effort from me. I want them to have a good time with God and each other
• Jumpstart-I've started doing worship on Sunday mornings which I LOVE!! I've been working on finding some new stuff, but I want to put even more effort into it. I don't want it to ever become a last-minute-saturday-night thing!!

• My Work Out- I want to start working out more consistently. I'm a bad about being a one-week-on, one-week-off type of gal. I watch how nutritional my diet is, but i want to be more consistent with that too. Got to keep my temple presentable!
  (ha ha...rhymes.)
  
• My Peeps-I want to start embracing my relationships more. I have some awesome people in my life and I want to spend more quality time with all of them. I want them to know that I care about them and that I am here for them 100% of the time. Winter, spring, summer or fall. All they need to do is call. I want them to know that without a doubt

Also, I'm working on being more like my mom. She is the person I look up to most. You know how when you're a kid and you want to be like your mom (or dad) because you think they're the best thing in the whole world? Well....I still feel that way, cause she's the best thing in the whole world. So pray that while I'm living each day to be more like Christ that I become more like my mom too. I need to be a whole lot more like both of them!

This is all just a heads up cause Stephanie 2.0 is being installed.

Re Re Re Ready for the weekend.

Sooooo glad its friday. Can't wait for this weekend to get rolling. Its gunna be good times. I need some good friend hang out time. Last weekend with the Gordons/Ciraky's has got me craving more quality time with solid people.

very very excited for this weekend!

Did that just happen?

Why don't aliens eat clowns.






Because they taste funny.

Grrrr......

You know what really grinds my gears? burns my bagel? ticks me off?

Injustice.

Injustice is the rock in my shoe. The shampoo in my eye. The telemarketer that calls during my dinner.

Injustice angers me. The idea that people are being treated wrong at no fault of their own. The idea that "bad things happen to good people". The idea that individuals are treated badly because they are outnumbered or held down by someone bigger. How thousands of people starve to death not because they spend their grocery money on lotto tickets, but because of where they were born!? How 4 children die from child abuse everyday in America alone?! A lot of times I feel like if I could just have my way in peoples situations everything would be better. I don't understand how God tolerates injustice.

But I also don't understand the idea of real justice. I'm stuck in a body that is ready to battle for justice on the behalf of some and injustice others. I want food for the innocent who are starving(justice) and grace given to my family member who live blatantly against Gods commandments(injustice). I want justice for those who have harmed others, but if I ever saw the guys who beat up my brother, I don't know what I would do. (I like to say that I told them that I forgive them and that Christ loves them. But, if I was able, I might beat them half to death to see how they liked it. )

I want justice when it helps others and injustice when its convenient for me. How backwards is that? I want grace and mercy when I fail, but I'm ready to bust a cap into 4 kids who got drunk and beat a guy up. I'll never be able to get it right, but we'll answer to God eventually. I am really trying to hold onto that right now.

Hi. My name's Stephanie and I'm a Jehovaholic.

I realized this morning that I never explained the reason for my blogging title. All of my blogging buddies seem to have explained their decided names in their first blog, but I did not. What can I say, I'm a rebel...

(rebelling to remember)

The title from my blog stemmed from two thoughts. Cause everything's better in a numbered list.

1. I desire addiction. I want to love/care/be intriged by/go deeper in/be captivated by/crave something. I want something to so consume my life that it can't help but radiate from me. I know that seems reverse to the negative connotation that we normally apply to "addictions". Drugs, alcohol, sex....these are what we think of as "addictions". But I don't want my addiction to be something I'm ashamed of. I want to want it. I need to need it. I want to be dependent on it. I desire to be addicted to the One worthy of my dependence.

2. I want to portray something that others desire. I want others to see a fulfillment in my addiction when their addictions fail them. Unlike most addictions that bind and enslave, I want them to see how addictive my passion is and yet, so freeing. I want a passion for Christ to be their desired addiction.

So yeah, that's how I got here. Plus, I couldn't think of anything as cool as Stacie's....

She's a wanderer, she wanders around and around and around and around...

Bad Days?

Bare with me while I try to be deep for a second. Going into Socrates mode: Envy is the ulcer of the soul.

(as is ECON and filing pointless paperwork.)

Speaking of filing. Did you know R, S and T are the letters most often picked in Wheel of Fortune AND the most common first letter of students last names. And I got them ALL. How does one acquire such luck?

(Back to my attempt at philosophy.)

Maybe we're all suppose to have bad days. We're suppose to have hard days so that we don't take for granted the good ones. So that we recognize what we have and will always be thankful for how great and wonderful and marvelous life is......

(Fail.)

Sometimes days just suck. Yeah we can try to draw all sorts of philosophical reasons for why we have bad days and what good can come from it. And sometimes times its true, but sometimes stuff just goes wrong. Things just don't go how we planned. I didn't have any life changing realizations about my sins and transgressions yesterday. My plans changed and it threw me off. My bad days are not always a result of God trying to smite me. Sometimes it's just because of my own bad planning and/or decisions. [ WHOA.....it could be MY fault? What a concept! I could get good at this philosophy thing.]

All in all, sometimes things happen in this life that just stink. Gods not always trying to smite us. He's got everything under His control, but lets try not to blame Him for the stock market crash, high gas prices, unexpected ECON exams and poor public schooling systems.

(My opinion...but what do I know?)



I know nothing except the fact of my ignorance.
-Socrates

Family Ties

Had fun today with the [future] in-laws. And I was very proud that they made it through Atlanta without giving Chaz's mom a stroke. She's gets very nervous on roads over 4 lanes.

(Bless her heart)

They're such good people and already consider me part of the family. I know I joke about them alot, but I really couldn't ask for more. They'd do anything in the world for me, and I for them.

I've started to realize how many people I have in my life that I consider family.......though some times it feel like i'm part of the Adam's Family...a bunch of crazy people who are all especially weird in their own weird way.

ie. Stephen's crazy beard, Grandmother's need to give us everything she never had as a child while simultaneously hounded granddaddy about whatever the present issue is, Dad's bi polar, Chris "the giant" Ciraky..'nough said, Erics ability to fix anything if you can find him duct tape and/or ibuprofen, etc..............you get the idea....

I have more love and connection than some people will ever experience. It makes me kind of sad. I'm no one special, but I get the love so some many amazing people, while there are people out there who have never experienced true love from another person. So I've made it my personal mission to [from now on] be a people lover. For the people that have no one else, I want to be there. For the one person who it may actually matter to, I want to be there when they have no one else to turn to. Cause I may not have all the answers to their problems, but I know the One who does and if they can see His love through me, it's worth it. It'd be worth trying to love alot of people who will never accept it. But for that person who needs it.....I'll be there.

(this started off as a really light blog, don't know who it emotionally escalated. should I insert a corny joke for our ascent?)



There are 2 cowboys in the kitchen. Which one is the real cowboy?

The one on the range.

Homeless

Maybe some of us are called to be homeless. Called to have places we call home, but never feel comfortable in a single location. Lately I’ve been starting to feel like that is what God has started putting in my life.

I get comfortable and attached to people quickly, uneasy when I am out touch and out of reach of the people I love, but over the past 6 months I’ve begun to feel the need to be in different places. I don’t feel like I have a home. I have people who love me and places that I like to be, but not one place that I can sit down and say “I’m home”.

I’m starting to believe that God’s put that in me to keep me moving. To keep me from getting stagnant and content in my comfortable places… so that when I’m finally in the career that I want doing missions work, being so away from home will not be an issue like it has been in the past.

Maybe I’m not supposed to be happy in one place. Maybe I’m supposed to be happy in a lot of different places. I’m starting to find that where I assign the word home is depending less on a positional building and more on the individuals that I am with. For example: Anywhere my mom is, I am home. Being at home is more about the feeling I get by being with others, than the physical room I am in.

For God, I’d be glad to be homeless.

It does kind of suck some days though